Never Over
by Sevrin
Summary: 'Even though one foe is beaten, the battle is never over' a 7th year+ fic. (Harry is Snape's Apprentice) Snape tries to help Harry confront his past, while they both fight a new enemy, but who is it? rating for language and violence
1. Confirmation

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter world, even the apprenticeship thing isn't mine, I first read it in The Sorcerer's Apprentice by Jacquez. The story is really good, so I suggest you go read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=687280 

Chapter 1: The Potion

'Summer at last, two whole blissful months without any of those maddening _children_.' I thought as I sauntered through the dew-covered grass, robes billowing out as ever behind me, down to the forbidden forest. Unfortunately my reverie was disturbed by the one person that would be the ruin of my summer.

"Sir, are we looking for the Red-Firbuf or the blue?" Potter asked as he trotted behind me, consulting the list I had given him of plants we were to pick. 

"We are where exactly, Potter?" I replied in an acidic tone. 

"In Scotland, Sir." My apprentice spoke with a touch of caution, obviously aware that he had forgotten something basic (which, of course, he had) by the irritated tone in my voice.

"And do you think that _Asian_ Red-Firbuf would grow in Scotland?" I paused as recognition set in on his face. "How _did_ you pass 7th year potions, Potter, if you so easily forgot something you were supposed to have learnt in 2nd year?" At my answer he stopped and looked sufficiently ashamed of his obvious mistake. But, unlike usual, there was no retort of even a response as I kept walking. 'Really Potter, I thought you had developed more of a spine then that.' My thoughts were interrupted right on cue by a muffled gasp and the swishing of robes from behind me. Unconcerned, I stopped, if Potter was going to try to jump me he was sorely in need of a reminder of whom was the Master and whom was the apprentice. When the "attack" never came I grew curious. Obviously I had waited too long, for when I rounded on him, he wasn't there. I looked towards the castle and then Hadgrid's hut, but there was no one there. As I turned to the lake I saw the tail of black robes dodge behind a tree. What in the World? If Potter was trying to play an impromptu game of hide and go seek, it was certainly not amusing. I walked down to where the boy was "hiding" at a quicker pace then usual; I was in no mood to play games. 

"And just what do you think you are do-" I started in my classic evil-teacher way as I came to the other side of the tree, but stopped at what I saw. Potter was there, leaning against the rough trunk, his face all screwed up in distaste and his left fist clenched as he downed a potion from a vile that was tied loosely around his neck.

***flash back***

November of Potter's 1st year as Snape's apprentice 

It was nearing 2 am as I walked in my chambers from a particularly late night of potion making. I had no intention to stay up longer then necessary tonight as tomorrow was a Monday and I had a class with a bunch of first-year Griffindor morons first thing. 'Wonderful' I thought sarcastically upon remembering as I walked over to my bedroom. Upon passing the lavatory I noticed the door was open and the light was on. Thinking that Potter had been his usual stupidly careless self and left the light on and door open, I side stepped to the door. Just in case Potter was even more of an idiot then I thought, and had left the door open while inside, I peered though the opening. 'Humph, what a surprise.' Sure enough there was the idiot standing at the sink in front of the mirror. 'Probably preening himself' I thought with a 'humph' of disapproval. Though I dismissed the thought when I saw him lift a vile to his lips. 'Whatever. I have no time for silly spy games. Have fun getting drunk Potter. After all _you_ don't have a class tomorrow.' Were my final thoughts on the sighting as I walked into my bedroom.

Later that school year, around March

I was sitting at the desk in my chambers when I heard an owl tapping on the one window. I walked over knowing that it was a delivery from the Hogsmeade apothecary. As I opened the window, Potter came into the room and waited two paces away as I untied and opened the bundle. Once opened he immediately hurried forward and took a few ingredients from the package. 

"If you are trying to steel from me _again_, Potter; I would suggest that you use methods a little less obvious." He turned around and stared at me blankly.

"I- Oh. No Sir, you see I ordered these for myself while I was making your order. I paid for them, don't worry."

"And what exactly do you need those for, Potter? You do remember you are studying Defense against the Dark Arts: Curses with me now, not potions yet, don't you?" It wasn't a question, more of a stab then anything else. 

"Yes, sir." He said absently as he entered his room, closing the door behind him. 'Infuriating child.'

***end flash back, no time has passed (he's a fast thinker)***

I immediately wrenched the vile from his hand and ripped it off his neck, checking the colour, viscosity, and sent as I did. 'Something is definitely not right.' He cried out and lunged for the vile, but I was too fast for him. I pushed him back up against the trunk and pinned him there with my for-arm, holding the vile out in front of him.

"What is this?!" I asked, furious, since he was still violently grabbing at the vile, and consequently, me. He cried out in pain, bashed the back of his head into the tree, and ground out through clenched teeth,

"Please, Sir! The potion!"

"What. Is. It?" I growled. 

He just yelped in pain, so I pocketed the vile (which resulted in more panicked cries and pain-filled yelps) and used my free hand to check the boy's eyes. There were, after all, potions that were quite a bit like muggle drugs, and could be detected mainly through the eyes. As I looked however, I didn't see the thin red lines I had expected. They weren't normal however; they were sort of… foggy. 

"What did you take, Potter?" I was loosing my what tiny amount of patience I had.

"Please Sir!"

"What is it?" I yelled, 'this stupid child is not being reasonable!'

"Plea-!" Suddenly Potter doubled over as if he had been hit, he did so with such strength that I lost my grip and he landed on the ground with a thud. His body then started to jerk and lurch, his muscles seemingly flexing and contracting at their own masochistic will. As I hunched over, I noticed his eyes. They were completely glazed over now and were darting around, horrified, at things that weren't there. 'What…'

"Never!" He ground out at someone 2 feet to my right, his jaw still clenched. This was followed by what looked like he was being kicked in the ribs, hard, by some invisible force, and the pain-filled howl he admitted while clutching his side seemed to confirm it… but what the bloody hell was going on?! Then, just as abruptly as it had started, it ended. All that was left was Potter panting on the ground clutching at his side, jaw still firmly clenched and now eyes as well. As I stooped down to further investigate, though, his eyes turned from squeezed shut to openly terrified. What followed was something that haunted me every night. The scream. The scream that only came from one being tormented by the curse. The Cruciatus. I had heard that scream so many times during my past and present lives that I could recognize it anywhere. The sound Potter was making though, was the worst I had ever heard.

"Shit."

In one swift movement I was at Potter's side and had the vile at his mouth. I cast a swallowing charm and poured the solution down his throat. He stopped twitching and lay deathly still. But before I could check his vitals, he heaved into a sitting position and a couching fit in which I could clearly see blood come up. I relaxed greatly at his signs of life, distressing as they may have been. 'Stupid idiot, he's a magnet for trouble. I'll certainly have to-' but I never got to finish that thought as Harry collapsed onto his side, unconscious.

A.N. Hi Esteemed Readers! *waves frantically then bows* This is my first fic, and I'm very worried… you see I'm not very good at english (I have the marks to prove it) so it would really be great if you could review with constructive criticism so I can get better! Also if there was somewhere you wanted me to go with this fic, just ask, and I might be able to work it in ^ ^ … but no slash, or romance fluff (no offense if you like it, I just don't like writing it, that's all ^ ^)

A.N.2. Is that long enough? Was the chap title okay? Was that a cliffie? Was Snape too un-Snapey? Did the PoV work out crapily? Was the geography right? Did I repeat any words too many times? Should I continue? Did I ask too many questions? Am I too insecure? … Did I mention this was my first fic?


	2. Stupid Acts of Courage

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter world, even the apprenticeship thing isn't mine, I first read it in The Sorcerer's Apprentice by Jacquez. The story is really good, so I strongly suggest you go read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=687280

The rating is just for language, but I don't really know, it probably could be jus PG… oh well, tell me what you think if you want… does anyone head to ratings anyway (unless it's NC-17…)?

Chapter 2: Stupid Acts of Courage

No thought was involved as I scooped Potter up and ran as fast as I could to the school. He felt dead in my arms, though he was surprisingly light. The only thing going through my head during my dash was a constant string of colourful words. But when I reached the giant doors and flung myself inside, I was over come by the memory of the last time I had carried Potter thus.

*** flash back ***

End of Harry's 7th year

It was 2:30 am when I was summoned to go see Albus in his office. I let myself in and waited for him to enter. He did so 5 minutes later, 5 minutes late. This did not help my temper. So I glared at him as he entered. I was about to add words to my stare but behind him entered the most arrogant, stupid, self-centered _child_ I had ever met. 

"What is the meaning of this Albus?" I demanded not as calmly as I had wished. 

"Not to worry Severus, I'll explain in a moment. Lemon drop?" He replied grinning with that usual twinkle in his eye. I just glared. 'That twinkle was never a good sign.' He turned to the prat. "Please sit down, Harry." As Potter sat, The Headmaster walked around behind his desk. I opened my mouth once more to demand an explanation, but was cut off by it.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news." He started, the twinkle in his eye a little dimmer 'I suppose the lack of it isn't either though.' "One of our own has been kidnapped." 'Oh great. Why can't people be more careful?' "Harry, I'm sorry but Voldemort is holding Sirius in Malfoy's dungeons, of that much I am sure" 'The first good piece of news all day!' I would have laughed had Albus not been there. The boy next to me however, didn't share my sense of humour. He gasped and started to bombard the Headmaster with foolish questions. 

"How do you know? How is he? How long has be been there? How are you going to get him out? Is he okay? Is he …" '_child_.' I scolded, treating the word as always like an insult.

"Pardon me, Albus, but why exactly does this concern _me_?" I asked less than politely.

"In time, all in time. First of all, I keep my sources secret for security reasons, Harry, but I assure you the information is truthful. Unfortunately, I have no idea of his status. And as for how were are going to retrieve him, that is the answer to your question, Severus."

"What?! I have to risk my life and my cover for _that_ bloody bastard?" I could hear Potter growl at me, 'ha! Did he really expect me to go save his mutt friend? Stupid child.' "I have more important things to do with my time then-"

"Save someone who risked their life to save you?" 'Damn that child! Has he no respect?!'

"Watch your mouth boy, and don't interrupt me! 5 points from Griffindor!"

"You'd take points away for telling the truth!?"

"For interrupting a professor and not showing any respect!"

"Why should I? You never show it to any one else?!"

"Maybe it hasn't crossed your mind that not many other people _deserve_ my respect!"

"So you're a greasy git and a self centered bastard!"

"100 points from-!"

"Is that your response to everything!?"

"What's the harm of exerting my power, Potter?"

"So that's where Voldemort got it! I had no idea you were so influential!"

"My being a spy is one of the only things keeping you alive!"

"And I suppose that the fact that I've met Voldemort 9 times and lived with no help from _you_ has slipped your mind?"

"You'd be dead without me, Potter!"

"I don't need nor want you to protect me!"

"Are you really as stupid as your father? Too much pride to admit when you need help?"

"Smart enough to know who to get help from! And don't talk about my father!"

"Without saying his royal highness and bowing first, you mean? It's sick the way you idealize him! He was an immature brat with too little sense to keep out of trouble!"

"And you were an angel I assume?!"

"I was smart enough not to get caught."

"But not smart enough to chose your friends wisely? My God Severus, _Malfoy_ had that down by the beginning of first year!"

"And I suppose you find your friendship with Longbottom an act of pure genius!"

"I'd rather an incompetent then a murderer!"

"You dare call me a Murderer?!"

"If the shoe fits."

"Then I suppose you'd prefer Pettigrew to Black?"

"Sirius didn't kill anyone, Pettigrew did."

"Not proven!"

"So you trust Fudge's judgment over Professor Dumbledore's? From Dark Lord to Dumb Lord I suppose."

"At least I don't fancy myself a Lord."

"At least I don't go around facilitating the death of an ally's best friend!"

"Voldemort could have and would have killed the weakling without me!"

"So you helped him, even though you didn't need to?! Jumped at the chance to kill him!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Albus bellowed. "Severus stop being childish, and Harry you should show more respect for your professor!"

"Sorry, sir" the insolent boy mumbled, but not to me. I just glared at the both of them.

"Severus, I'm sorry, but I must ask you to do this. Firstly, Sirius knows important information that we cannot let Voldemort get a hold of. And secondly, all my agents are away on tasks and will not make it back on time, you and Harry are the only ones left." 'WHAT!?'

"Myself and _Potter_?! He's an incompetent child! Surely you don't mean to say that-"

"I do. You cannot and will not do this alone. Harry, you and Severus will leave tom-"

"Albus! I haven't given my consent yet and never will!"

"I'm sorry you feel that way Severus" The old man took a deep breath and started again in a very official and commanding voice. "As Leader of The Order of the Phoenix and Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I, Albus Dumbledor, order you, Severus Snape, to go on this mission, based on the pledges you gave me upon induction into The Order of the Phoenix and The Hogwarts teaching staff. I'm sorry, but you have no choice." 'No! Dumbledore you will regret this! You give me no choice. But know this! You have called upon my oath; you know you can do that but once! After this, only my will binds me; and that may not last long at all! … Damn that mangy mutt!' I dared not say a word of my thoughts while Albus was in such a mood though, so I glared my sentiments at him; and proceeded to answer him instinctively, in the voice I previously used only with Voldemort.

"Yes, Headmaster."

"Good. Now as I was saying…"

There was a soft knock on my door. 

"Enter." Potter came in, looking quite nervous, this was him first mission, 'Lucky me.'. "You are late. 5 points from Gryffindor." 'Hah. That took care of his nerves.' Harry was glaring at me now. 

"Your robes are on the chair, put them on." He walked over to the chair and I saw his hand hover over them, hesitating. I couldn't blame him, but I did anyway, "we don't have all day, Potter." I hissed as went to my study.

When I came back a chill traveled up my spine. There standing before me was the savior of the light, dressed in the shroud of the dark. I felt all hope being sucked out of me as he looked up at me, green eyes glistening, he looked sad and frightened and so young. 

"Oh god." I breathed a little to loudly; I knew he had heard me. 'We cannot dwell, not tonight.' I put on my mask of annoyed indifference. "You've made us late. Come on." At that we slipped out a secret passage from my chambers to the forbidden forest. "If anything should happen, Potter, apparate back here, and unless you are hurt. Stay. Here." I said very firmly. Most wizards Potter's age didn't yet know how to apparate, and were in fact not allowed to, but Albus had gotten him _special_ permission, as he was such a _special_ boy. 'Humph.' "We will apparate to the back of Malfoy's mansion." I wasn't sure if he had been there before, but since he nodded I assumed he had. 

Once there, Potter and I hid behind a tree.

"Put your mask on and follow me." I whispered. He nodded and did so. Luckily as a deatheater and one of Malfoy's _friends_, I knew that there was a secret entrance… he had truly been foolish to show me it really, but that was his problem, not mine. I tapped on all the appropriate places and we got in without incident. 

"I'm amazed, Potter. You haven't managed to screw anything up yet. I suppose you'd like another medal?" I whispered sarcastically, knowing he wouldn't answer, due to out environment. We walked along the tunnel in silence all the way to the main hallway where I exited first, making sure the coast was clear. It was. All I heard was the din of conversation in the distance. I had avidly protested going on that particular night, since Voldemort had called a plenary meeting just a few doors away. Albus had argued that it would be perfect timing since everyone would be at the meeting, and not guarding Sirius' cell, and I could always claim that there was an Order meeting that I had to attend that night. This was true, but if we were heard or seen, we'd never get out alive, it was double or nothing. 'I hate gambling.' I thought as I resignedly opened the door for Potter and motioned him to follow. I knew this place much too well for my own liking and so found my way to the dungeon stairs quite quickly and easily. Surprisingly, Potter managed to keep up, and moved quite silently as well. "I suppose all those midnight rule-breaking escapades has taught you how to be silent." My remark could have been taken as a complement if my tone had been less venomous. 'But where was the fun in that?'

Some time later we were passing by mostly empty cells as we walked through the dank maze-like dungeons. Finally though, we got to an occupied one, and sure enough, it was the mutt, in human form. Potter was at the bars in an instant.

"Sirius! Sirius, it's me Harry!" There was no reply. "Sirius, are you okay?" The boy was smart enough to keep his voice down, but it wasn't really low enough.

"Shut your mouth!" I whispered venomously "I'll work on the lock while you stand guard. Here." I thrust a radar-looking devise into his hands. "If you see a blip on the screen, it means someone magical is in range, if so, tell me immediately. Hopefully you can do _that_, can't you, Potter?"

"Fine. Just get him out." He growled. 

"Humph." I turned around and looked at the lock, it was difficult to say the least. 10 minutes later though, I was figuring it out and was about halfway there. I moved onto the next security level and tried the combination of spells I had been using so far. The lock suddenly clicked, but did not open, not a good sign. 'Shit.'

"Professor! There's somebody coming" Potter whispered to me. 'Well of course there is. I just set off the alarm on the lock' I thought, damning myself for my carelessness.

"Oh really? I'm so proud of your observation skills!" I said, my voce dripping with sarcasm. "Next time, do try to add useful information to obvious statements, Potter, how many there are, for example." I hissed.

"At least 12, there may be more coming."

"Damn it." This was not good. I set back to work on the lock, no sense in wasting time.

"Agreed, Sir." There was a pause before Potter continued. "How close are you to opening the lock?"

I didn't trust him to think up a plan, but since I was still busy, I decided to humour him, and then point out his stupid mistakes. "10 to 12 minutes."

"They look to be 6 minutes away…" he paused, thinking. "Fine. Professor you work on the lock, until they arrive I'll work on shielding and enhancements for us. When they get here you will still have 4 to 6 minutes left of work. My shields will hold them off completely for 3 minutes, no more, no less. I can hold them off and guard you until you open the lock. The lock is your first priority, block out everything else until you finish that, then help me. With the cell open we can make a faster get away, and hopefully avoid another load of deatheaters." He looked to me sincerely when he had finished.

"We'll never get out of here alive." I sighed as I continued fighting with the lock "Firstly, Potter, I doubt your wards will be strong enough to stand for more then 10 seconds. Secondly, there is no way you could ever hold of 12 fully trained deatheaters all at once, not to mention for 2 minutes." 'You are so arrogantly stupid, Potter, it amazes me. Bravo.' I added silently. His answer came swift and firm.

"Trust me."

I scoffed before finishing out conversation, "fine, get us all killed." Then sarcastically, "you are the savior of the light after all, what you say is law." The boy growled at me then started casting his spells and charms and what not, as I, all to happily, tuned him and the world out.

5 minutes later

"They're here professor!" The boy told me, a touch of panic in his voice, a touch too much. 'So this is it. Damn mutt.'

"Am I supposed to care? The lock is my first priority, _remember_?" 

"Just thought you might like to know, _professor_." He uttered through clenched teeth.

"Humph. You're a big boy now right, Potter? I trust I won't have to intervene to save your pathetic life once again before I'm done?"

"Just work on the lock." He ordered, obviously frustrated, as he turned to hex the now present attackers. As requested I tuned out the world and just worked on that damned little lock. I was at the last level 10 minutes later, although I had no idea of the time. I had unlocked the blasted thing so far with codes and a few complex spells but the last level was different. 'Think like a Malfoy!' I yelled to myself, irritated that it was taking so long. 'Humph. Of course, a Malfoy's a Malfoy.' I thought smugly as the answer finally came to me.

"Open," I commanded to the lock in my most Malfoy-esk voice "for I am Lucius Malfoy, purer than any other blood and second in command to The Dark Lord. Open!" And sure enough the bloody thing creaked open.

"Finally." I sighed as I turned around ready to fend of the deatheaters. I was just in time to catch a semi-unconscious Potter who was being thrown back by a particularly nasty banishing spell. I was just surprised he was still alive.

"You're 4 minutes late." He mumbled before slumping in my hold.

"Shit." The next minute was a flurry of spells and hexes being thrown and dodged, until the boy finally woke up.

"About time!" A yelled angrily.

"Sorry." He muttered as he got up from the floor were I had deposited him. "Sir! Expilliarmus at 10 o'clock!" He warned. 'Shit.' I dodged both that and another curse before continuing the battle and yelling at Potter.

"This is not good, boy!"

"I have an idea, Sir! But…"

"But what?!" He sounded more like a prat then usual.

"Well I haven't tried this before!"

"I doubt this is the time for test runs, Potter!"

"We've no choice! Cover me!"

"What!?" 'Damn that infernal child!' No sooner had he ducked behind me to gather concentration, he scurried back out and held out his wand. 'Oh hell, what now?'

"Omnie-Expilliarmus!" He commanded. I was surprised to say the least, by the power in Potter's voice, but also by the outcome of the spell. Immediately, _all_ of their wands flew over to him, but he didn't bother catching them, he was already onto the next spell. 

"OMNIE-STUPEFY!" He said even more forcefully this time, which was logical since the spell did require more energy. The outcome was again not logical though, since once he finished the intricacies of the spell, they were _all_ stupefied.

"What in the world, Potter?" I demanded, but he ignored me and prepared himself for the next spell, obviously more difficult then the last two.

"Omnie Mitto Phoenix Nest" He said more calmly but still very powerfully.

"What the…?" I asked as all 12 deatheaters disappeared into thin air. "Potter! Explain yourself!" I demanded again.

"Not now professor, we've got to get out, then I'll tell you." He said firmly, although weakly.

"Fine." He was right after all, as much as I loathed to admit it. So we entered the cell, and I picked up the mutt (Harry looked as if the weight would kill him. He was having enough trouble walking as it was.) 

"Can you apparate?" I asked, he did look quite drained, and now puzzled as well.

"Of course, but aren't there anti-apparition wards or something?" 'Well look who's clever!' I thought sarcastically.

"Really, Potter, would I have asked if there were? No, Malfoy's too proud." He chuckled at this. "Apparate back to were I told you, and wait there! I don't want to have to play find the Potter! Now go!" At that he apparated back to the Forbidden Forest, leaving me behind to concentrate on the more complex task of double-apparation.

When I arrived with the mutt, Potter had already been there sometime. In the moonlight, with his mask off, I could see that he looked a lot better, but his expression was pensive. I was terribly curious though, and you never keep a Snape waiting.

"What, _exactly_, did you do with those deatheaters, Potter?"

"Hum?" he looked up at me, confused. "Oh, that." He started distractedly, "Professor Dumbledore gave me permission to drop divination so I could work on it. It's a variation adaptable to most spells so that they can be used on many people at once. It's pretty complicated and takes a lot of power, but I taught it to Professor Dumbledore… I'm sure he'll teach it to you when you get back." He paused and added as an after thought, "the last spell I used is also a variation, however its much more difficult. It's like apparation except you apparate someone else instead of your self… sounds easier then it is, though. I apparated the deatheaters into the Headmaster's office." He added, still completely distracted by whatever was going on in Potter Land. 

"Would you mind looking at me when I talk to you, Potter? Or is what ever you are thinking about more important then the house cup?" I implied, I was quite impressed by his work, but decided to criticize instead of complement him. At my venomous tone he looked up, totally not registering what I had just said. "Do these spells impede the use of your brain as well, Potter?"

"Oh, sorry sir, no its just…" He trailed off.

"For once just finish your damn sentence will you!" 

"Right. Sorry." He glared at me, then mumbled to himself something about not wasting anymore time. 'He's finally gone loony. Wonderful.'

"I-" he looked down at the crumpled man in my arms. "I'm going to end it." 

"You mean- Are you really that stupid?!" He cut me off by looking up at me, eyes blazing with assuredness and conviction.

"I won't allow him to continue hurting people. Besides it's the perfect opportunity. Voldemort just lost 12 deatheaters. He'll have the rest of them out looking for them, and us. I can apparate to the main chamber and find Voldemort. Once inside I'll challenge him to a duel, but not before barricading all the other deatheaters out. If I win, I'll apparate back here, if not…" he trailed off, but them looked in my eyes, completely serious. "That won't happen." I had to admit he had a point, sort of. I would never have let him go if it weren't for the calmness and that damned assurance in his eyes. 

"That's one way to get rid of you I suppose." I drawled, but he got the message. He nodded and turned, then chuckled and faced me.

"He's going to want to kill you for letting me go you know." He chuckled motioning towards the limp body in my arms.

"What else is new?" I sighed. He paused for a moment, and then looked me in the eyes, as if evaluating me.

"Don't let him." He judged seriously. 

'Wait!' I yelled inwardly as the words sunk in, but he was already gone. 'What was I thinking, letting him go like that? He couldn't even handle 12 deatheaters for more then 5 minutes! Now he's taking on Voldemort?! He'll be dead by morning, if not sooner… Humph. Why do I care what he does with his life?' I scoffed as I turned to head up to the castle. 'I won't need to worry about Black. He's dead after all' I sighed as I realized we had risked our lives for a dead man, then chuckled sadly 'Albus is another matter though….'

(A.N. take a brake now, go eat some cookies! I would've made the rest another chap… but I didn't think it would be good to break up a flash back)

"Albus…?" I trailed off as I entered his office, the mutt recently deposited in the hospital wing, Poppy of course eyeing me suspiciously about bringing her a dead Black.

"Severus?" He entered the room, and looked at me apprehensively, "how did it go? I received the *ehem* gifts you sent… but other then that?" He sounded like he was afraid to ask.

"We retrieved Black, he was already dead, though. I don't know if they got him to talk, Poppy's testing him now for remnants of veritaserum" At the news his face fell.

"I- I see…" He fell heavily into his chair, holding his face in his hands. "Damn it." He muttered then looked up at me, remembering something. "How's Harry? Where is he?" He asked slowly. I blanched 'Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.' He noticed my change in expression and looked now more sad and worried. "Is he hurt? Did he return to Hogwarts?" 'Oh god help me.'

"As far as I know, he isn't hurt" 'yet.' "He did come back to Hogwarts-"

"How is he?" he interrupted sadly.

"Albus, I need to tell you something." He looked up at me, confusion, sorrow and worry clearly etched into his face.

"Upon returning, Harry decided- he wanted to end it. He didn't- didn't want anyone else to get hurt. I…" 'Damn it! What can I say?! Oh hell! Damn. Damn .Damn.' "I tried to stop him, Albus, but he wouldn't listen! The little prat just left before I could talk some sense into him! He left also be fore I knew about Black." 'There I said it… but wait- no!- that's not what I wanted to say!' 

"No." Albus sighed, as he dropped his head into his hands once again, "no…" I decided that now was probably a good time too leave, so I silently slipped out of the old room, and let the now old man grieve alone. 

There was no thought of sleep in my mind that night. I sat at my desk, thinking. Thinking about Potter's chances (slim to none), and trying to figure out what had possessed me to let him go. The later kept me busy for hours until I finally came to no conclusion, except that I had acted stupider then even Potter. And then a realization hit me, 'I talked to Albus like Voldemort, I lied to him, I killed Potter… Just what _he_ wanted me to- What if I really am on Voldemort's side? It _is_ getting harder and harder to separate my deatheater self from my… "light" self. What if- what if they are no longer any different? No… this can't be happening! Not after so long! I tried so hard! Why is life so damn hard?!' At this, I crumpled. I sat there crying for the first time in decades and I couldn't stop, until eventually, sleep claimed me.

"Arahhhh!" I woke up screaming, gripping the mark on my left arm. It burned like acid, this was no summoning. As I lifted the sleeve of my black robes, I could see the dark mark glowing a violent red. Potter was dead. 'Crap.' Just as I finished that thought, the mark stopped burning, not only that but started to fade and finally disappeared. 'What?' I rubbed the spot where it had been 'But, no, I don't understand…is- is it possible? He- he won? He won!' All fear, worry and dread disappeared with the mark as I raced up to Albus' office.

"Albus! Albus!" I shouted, happier then I had been in a very long time.

"Severus?" He immerged puffy eyed from his bedroom, looking at me as if I had gone mad.

"Albus, he did it! He won!" I exclaimed as I thrust the mark, or rather lack there of, at him.

"Severus… I- Are you sure?"

"Why else would the mark disappear?" As the realization dawned on him that I was right, his features grew into a bright smile, and to my dismay, he grabbed me into a fierce hug.

"Al-bus, ple-ase" I choked.

"Oh, sorry Severus," he said jovially. "Harry must be ecstatic." He chuckled, "where is he, anyway?" 'Oops.'

"Uh… he said he would apparate back to the Forbidden Forest, I haven't gone yet." I answered a little embarrassed by my priorities.

"Well, lets go!" He seemed unphased by the fact that Potter had yet to be found, and so motioned for me to lead the way. I took him to the spot but when we got there, Potter was nowhere to be found.

"Are you sure this is the spot, Severus?" He asked, a little concern in his voice.

"Yes, I'm sure." I replied solemnly 'this is not good. I suppose he's really-'

"Perhaps he apparated back somewhere else… Actually I have just the thing" He said with a grin. "Accio Marauder's Map" 'Uhg, not that thing again.' He chuckled at the disgruntled expression on my face as he caught the wretched thing. As he looked at it, his expression melted though. "He's not here." 'Oh…' There was a long pause. "Perhaps he needed to rest before apparating again… Severus, tell no one about this. I will tell whoever asks that there was a family emergency. Except for Hermione, I'll tell her that he's gone to see Sirius."

"But the Daily Prophet will surely report the downfall of Voldemort, They won't believe your story after that." He sighed.

"That is why, tonight at dinner I'll tell them the truth."

"What if he apparates back later?"

"I'll ask Hagrid to keep an eye on the map and search the Forest." He started to walk back to the castle "Now we must be getting back, it's almost time for breakfast."

After that morning there was no sign of Potter, nor any dark attacks. Everyone assumed Potter was dead. It was like the fall of 1980 again, bittersweet, everyone celebrating, I myself lost once again. Every night I waited at the spot where I had last seen Potter. I convinced myself that it was because Albus still had confidence that Potter was alive, though with each day it was fading, along with his health. I knew he felt guilty for sending Potter on his first and- his first mission, and nothing I could say would change that. I had my own experience with guilt. I knew it was a solely personal battle. The only thing I could do was go out every night in hopes of finding Potter, I hoped it would lessen his guilt, and my own. It was exactly a month since Potter left when I decided it would be my last night in the Forbidden Forest. Albus had lost all hope and his age was finally catching up to him. He was terminally ill, he needed my help more then a dead Potter did. After my usual six hours of waiting in the Forest, I left for the last time. Before doing so, though, I said a eulogy of sorts for Potter.

"These are to be my last words to you Potter. I hope you can hear them wherever you are. I never spoiled you in my class because I thought it was for your own good. Now you've died anyway. I hope that I postponed your passing by enforcing your backbone… but I may very well have prompted it. Your stubbornness, arrogance, egotism and hero complex led to your demise… and the salvation of our world. I always thought of you as stupidly audacious, but you proved yourself. Something I hear you've always wanted to do. I no longer think that you are just a lucky kid who embraced his celebrity. You deserved it. So, Potter, you have proven yourself… and your point. If you came back, everyone would accept you, including myself." I looked up at the little clearing before me as a cloud of dust rose up in the center. "Potter!?" I called hopefully, running towards the dust cloud. I could see him! I couldn't believe it at first, but yes! He was right there! Sitting right in the middle, tired looking, but smiling al the same! 'Damn lucky kid!'

"Sorry I'm late, Professor." He joked, 

"You know I'll have to take points off, Potter" I _reprimanded_ as I knelt beside him.

"You'd better! If you didn't I'd think you stopped caring!" 

"Well if you insist" I shrugged as I reached out to tousle his hair. But… my hand went right through him and then he was gone. 

"No" I breathed as I stared at the spot my imagination had placed the boy. I sprang to my feet, "NO!" I yelled as I kicked the dust, enraged. Then more solemnly added before leaving that spot forever, "you are dead." 

"Albus?" I searched as I entered his office.

"Here Severus," he called back weakly from his chamber adjacent, I don't know why I bothered to ask anymore, he was too weak to be anywhere else.

"How are you this morning?" I asked, entering the deadly silent room. 

He smiled, "hopeful."

"Hopeful?"

"While I was reading last night, I came across a certain potion." My eyes lit up. 'A potion that could help you?! I haven't made a potion in weeks! Tell me Albus! I'm the best! I can make it for you!'

"Oh?" I kept my tone calm. He chuckled softly but continued.

"It's supposed to make the drinker happy, Severus, isn't that perfect?" My heart sunk even lower, 'poor old man. That's a third year potion. I was wondering when the effects of so much life sustaining magic would have effect. I suppose he will need some though, now that the en- now that the effects are taking place. Its so unfair that the last days of his li- of his of treatment, will be so filled with pain and confusion.' I petted his head as he fell asleep, 'but no, life is never fair.'

"I'll have it ready soon, Albus." I promised as I left silently, tears begging to be released, but denied permission.

All I could think about was the smile that had played on Albus' lips while I searched for ingredients in the Forest. It had been a proud and truly contented smile. An authentic smile, not like the one he would have plastered to his face after he drank the potion. I stared down in disgust at the Pink Mermit I was picking, 'Why him?!' Its stem broke under my grip, so I relaxed my hold, knowing I had just ruined a perfect ingredient. 'I hate this potion. People should not act happy when they're not. It's infuriating enough when its genuine, but when its faked it's even worse.' I sighed. 'But this is not my problem. It's his. He will need this potion when all the memories start flooding back, mixing up and twisting around. That nightmare will only end when he's dead. My preference doesn't matter.' So I resignedly searched for another Pink Mermit, letting my feet move me while letting my brain concentrate on one thing only, the potion. 'I'll need a double portion of Ragroot if I want it to last for a couple of days, but then it will be too thick so I'll need to also add double Yew Sap, which in turn will cause the unicorn hair to overreact-'

"Ow!" 'Damn tree stump.' I cursed as I took in my environment. "No. Not here. No!" My feet had taken me straight to the last place I wanted to be. The place I had spent far too many nights waiting for someone who would never come. And yet, there he was. I stared in awe for a second at the form of a person lying 4 paces away in the shade, before remembering the night before. "You're dead, damn it! Why can't you leave me alone?" I yelled. "You left on your own accord! I tried to stop you, but you wouldn't listen!" ~Is that what you believe now? You know that's not the truth.~ "Shut up, Potter you're dead! " ~Am I? Who killed me?~ "Of course you are! Voldemort did!" ~Voldemort is dead.~ "Fine then his deatheaters did! What does it matter anyway! You are dead!" ~So you gave up hope.~ "Why wouldn't I? You're dead!" I screamed at Potter's voice. How dare he invade my mind! After all I've been through, I'd had enough! I ran at the figure and kicked him. He was a figment of my imagination, he wasn't real… so why'd he moan? "Potter?" I dropped down next to him in the shadow and reached out to touch him. He was warm, but wet. As I drew my hand back I saw that the wetness was blood. He was covered in it. "Potter!" I panicked and rolled him over. What I saw made me gag. He was covered in blood, bruises, and burns. The limbs attached to his hips were hard to call legs, they were evidently broken in several places, and the flesh shredded. His arms didn't fare much better, they were hideously burned and his torso looked like it had been mauled by several angry hippogriffs. His face was so badly disfigured that I couldn't even be sure it was him. "Potter?" I asked softly. His face twitched as he opened his mouth, he paused gathering strength.

"Mal…foy" He hissed, and then became blank once again.

"Potter?!" Nothing. Not even the slightest movement of his chest. "Fuck." I picked him up gently and ran to the castle, shouting for Poppy.

***End flash back***

"How many times will I have to carry you here, Potter?" I asked the unconscious boy in my arms as I approached the infirmary, but of course there was no reply.

A.N.: soo… what think you? Was _that_ long enough? *smirk* I actually wasn't planning on making it so long… but I finally spotted one of those plot bunnies I've heard so much about …and well, it was just so cute that I had to follow it! Anyway it was only *counts words* 5646, that's not so bad. *Re-reads chap.* Hmph, that's a long flash back, ne? oh well hope you don't mind… if you do then just review! And if you don't then just… review! Oh and for the next chap, I can divide it up it into two parts in which case you'd get the first part in 2-3 days, or you can wait for a longer chap in about a week, so which do you want? 

Devil in the Details: 

1: any Monty Python/ quest for the holy grail/ holy grenade fans out there??? Did you notice Harry's little part about how long his shields will hold? I was soooooooooo tempted to continue: the number lasted shall be 3, four shall be too long, and 2 too short unless it is continued on to 3 etc. I was in hysterics! 

2: I wasn't sure about that happy potion thing, I think it was actually a charm (the cheering charm?) but it came to mind, so pretend there is a potion as well, and that Harry and co. made it in 3rd year.

3: please don't complain about the plants being capitalized, I know they probably shouldn't be but other wise the text was too plain so please forgive me ^ ^

Thanks For Reviewing! :

Terry: Wow! My very first ever review!!! You get a cookie! *Gives   
Terry a yummy chocolate chip cookie* Thank you very much *grins* And I agree, characters should be as the author wants them… but some people don't think Snape should wear pink robes, I can't figure why though, it would look so nice with his hair ^ ^

Nightshade: Thanks! And I think a "C" is pretty good ; ) … besides, the way I see it, when will we ever need to know english anyway? *smirk* I'm glad to e-mail you when I update, and if anyone else is reading this, I'll be happy to do the same for you! 

Nicky: Maybe it's not too evident now what the matter with Harry is, but don't worry, it will be *grin*

Emilycrutcher: Thanks! And, yes, blossom it will *smiles* 

Carrington: Thanks, and I'm glad you think this will have a direction! You may just be the first to think so! *laughs* don't worry, I'm sure this will have direction… eventually 

Mistress Cresacre: Really? You love it? Yay! *really big grin* All questions shall be answered… eventually… I hope… If not, review with your complaint!

Otonopaz: Wow! You answered ALL my questions! ^ ^ Thanks! But please, not Peeves! Anything but Peeves! Nooooooooo!!! *runs away to write next chap.*

Life: Voila! *Points to chap. above* 

Mich shell: Hmm… hope I won't have to hear the rest of that threat any time soon… better get to writing!

Hyperion: Thanks! *grin*

Potions Master Snape Potter: Why thank you! *grin*

Lady FoxFire: Yeah… I know… but it was just so tempting to have Harry call Snape "Master"! I can just imagine EvilHarry kneeling to an even eviler Snape! Ooo… *floats of into her own world* erm.. right, sorry, that won't be happening in this story, *ehem* I did have _some_ reasoning for it though… Harry being the apprentice and Snape being the Master (which will be explained later), and, have you read "The Sorcerer's Apprentice"? Anyway, enough excuses, I've fixed up the last chap so now it's mostly "Sir". Okay?

Oh and I'm very honored that you read my fic! I really like "A Broken Child" and erm… darn forgot the name… no net connection… hmph, I'll have to improvise, "The Fic That's Really Good, Even Though I Don't Think I Could Review Because My Net Wasn't Working, That Has Harry Becoming Blind, And You Calling Vernon A "Monster" A Lot." Fiew, hmm… it's kinda catchy, ne?

LegacyLady: Well, that's very kind of you *grin*, thank you! I Hope you liked what came and what's coming!

Deity: Such flattery! Thanks! *grin*

Saavik: I'm glad you agree! Personally I know Snape's supposed to be all cool, calm and collected, but I think that _some_ things should irk him, like the cruciatus for example. My spelling is atrocious too, *sigh* but as long as I keep praying to the god of spell check and being patient when It doesn't recognize Canadian spellings *grumble grumble* then my spelling stays in _check_. (That was horrible I know, but I couldn't resist!) Hope you still like where it's going… even if you can't exactly tell at the moment -_-()

Pinkmoon: is that a threat!? *looks indignant*… because they make me work all the harder, so fell free to make 'em! *grin* Here you go! fast enough for ya?

Wink At J00: Your squealing is contagious!!! *bounces off the walls squealing with giddiness at getting such a nice and enthusiastic review* Okay! ^_^ *lands in her chair and immediately starts typing next chap* As a thank you I am going to get this next chap out TONIGHT!!! Yeah! *blinks at what she just said* Oh my, I'd better get to work… BTW I really like The Last Ounce Of Pain...Gone, can't wait for the next chap! *prints review and frames it up on her wall, then squeal in delight before returning to typing furiously*

Sawyer: Thank you and here you are! *points elaborately to chap* Hope it meets expectations ^_^ *grin*

Ow. After grinning at so many times from your lovely reviews my cheeks hurt… But I guess love hurts! *grins* (ow.) 


	3. Answers Never Come Easy, Part I

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter-verse, even the apprenticeship thing isn't mine; I first read it in The Sorcerer's Apprentice by Jacquez. The story is really good, so I strongly suggest you go read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=687280

Chapter 3: Answers Never Come Easy, Part I

"Poppy!" I ordered rather than asked as I ran into the hospital wing. As always, Poppy was by my side in an instant, though this was one of the few times I was glad about it. I was also glad that she didn't notice the look of worry on my face, before I covered it with indifference and annoyance. 

"Again? I thought I wouldn't have to treat him anymore now that you-know-who is gone!" She exclaimed as she motioned me to set him on the nearest bed. After doing so she started to mumble some spells and her eyes flicked around at different charts that appeared in the air. "Humph." She exhaled after a short time, putting her hands on her hips as she looked over all the charts again. "Severus…"

"Oh, come now! Does it really take that much brain power to finish a question?" I snapped.

"It's just- well- Severus, what happened?" She was obviously confused, and obviously was loosing her touch.

"So now you can't even tell when someone's unconscious? Tsk, tsk, Poppy, I expected more." She turned at my malediction, and started with a huff.

"Well, maybe you can help explain his symptoms then, Sevreus? His esophagus is a wreck, I would be surprised if he could have eaten at all with it so raw like that, and since he is moderately under weight I assume he didn't. His life energy levels are quite depleted which must be why he blacked out. The thing I'm most worried about is that the toxin levels in his blood are much too high, and his liver is not at all what it should be."

"A potion, probably a poison." I responded simply.

"Well, of course I thought of that," I scoffed, 'how clever of you' "but who would poison him? He doesn't have any enemies left, does he?" 'One. Himself.' I concluded, but instead of wasting my time going into Potter's pathetic life story, I shrugged indifferently.

"How much of that can you heal?" I asked casually, motioning at the floating charts behind her. She turned around and once again studied the multicoloured lines and graphs.

"I can fix his esophagus, mostly, but he will probably be on soft foods for a week. The weight and energy will have to be regained naturally, but it shouldn't be too much of a problem. The toxins on the other hand…" she waved away all except one chart, enlarged it, and resumed reading. "I'm sorry to say, but I don't know. It depends on the type, but these are being very stubborn little things and just won't let me identify them. I won't know how to deal with them until I can get a sample of the poison. If an antidote was made, then it would be even simpler." She implied, trying to be subtle but, of course, failing miserably.

"Are you asking me to go through Potter's things, looking for a trace of the potion, and then waste my free time making an antidote?" I asked annoyed. 

"Under the circumstances, yes." She replied firmly.

"Gladly." I sneered and then promptly left to go to my chambers.

"Oh, and Severus, don't worry, I'll inform you as soon as he wakes up." She added cheekily as I slammed the door behind me. 'Infernal woman.'

"So, where do you keep your supply?" I asked the air in Potter's chambers, I wasn't at all concerned by the fact that I was going to go through his things without permission, being an apprentice's master did have its …perks. I walked over to the desk in the corner of the dark little room (that's the only way they came in the dungeons), set my wand down, and went about looking for the potion I had seen Potter drink. All I found was a small leather-bound note book which, at a glance, looked to be a journal of sorts. 'What are you, Potter, a twelve year old girl?' I cast the thing aside and strolled over to his wardrobe next to the bed. I didn't expect to find anything of interest in there, so I wasn't surprised when all I found was a pink scarf. 'Did I say twelve? Make it ten.' The trunk at the end of his bed was the last thing to check in the dank room. No surprise, it was locked. Potter enjoyed his privacy almost as much as I did. After a quick inspection I assumed the trunk was password protected. 'No matter, there's more then one way to skin a cat.'

"Accio Wand." To my surprise at my words not only did my wand come to me, but the trunk popped open. 'So you do have a brain after all, Potter. You certainly hide it very well.' Only someone capable of wandless magic would bother calling for their wand, and since Potter had to come to _me_ for training in that area (as well as DADA), it must be a dying talent. The trunk was mostly full of old school things, but at the bottom there was a box. 'A wonderful hiding spot, Potter, really, how clever.' I scorned as I removed the box and laid it on the stone floor. The contents were more or less what I had figured. Tens of little corked vials in a stand, all containing the same fluid I saw Potter drink. I plucked one out of the case and studied it while walking over to my private lab. 

Just like before, I didn't recognize the potion. It was a watery, translucent lime-green liquid which stung my nostrils. Still stumped, I decided to use a newly discovered spell which told the caster the exact components of a substance. I pointed my wand at the potion, and said,

"patefacio elementum." A long thin black line emerged from my wand and started writing a long list of ingredients in the air while I copied them down, my mood quickly spiraling downwards with almost every word. Not only could I still not identify the potion, but now that I realized exactly what Potter was using I also knew that the gravity of the situation was much worse then I had thought. The list included all sorts of ingredients, some healing, many extremely powerful, and what scared me the most, some very dark. 

I took the completed list to my office and sat down heavily at my desk. I started at once summoning books, cross-referencing and jotting down notes about the ingredients. An hour later all I had written down was rubbish I already knew and all I had concluded was that Potter was a nut case. I leaned back in my chair sighing as I rubbed ever-present words from in front of my eyes. I was getting nowhere and wasting too much time. If Potter had indeed concocted this potion on his own, then he must have written the process down, 'but where?' As soon as I had asked it, I answered it,

"Accio Potter's journal." The book came flying over to me and landed in my lap. "Well, Potter, let's find some incriminating evidence, shall we?" I opened it to the first page, half expecting it to have hearts all over it. Instead it had a simple phrase written in neat handwriting on the middle of the other wise cream coloured page: 

Do what you must

"Indeed?" The phrase showed Potter was desperate, not a good sign. This was probably not a journal but a work log, 'We'll see.' I flipped through the pages, each had a potion on it that I recognized, and at the bottom of the page Potter had written little notes either about the potency, the volatility or other aspects of one ingredient or another. I skipped to the back as the beginning was of no use since he obviously wasn't using those potions. The further along in the book I got, the more complex and powerful the potions got, but still all were recognizable. Finally on the last page all the right ingredients were present, and I didn't recognize the potion. I had found it. I settled down to examine the process just when I heard Poppy's voice from the fire.

"Severus! You must bring me some dreamless sleep and calming potions, now! I didn't restock for the summer! Quickly, Severus! Severus?"

"Accio Dreamless Sleep Potion! Accio Placidus Potion!" I commanded, not even breaking stride to catch them or blast the doors open before me.

AN: Okay a short and boring chap… sorry! But I had to! Darn plot… *grumble grumble* I also didn't like this much; I found it was clumsy and kind of choppy. Plus it wasn't coming easy, I could see the story in my head but the words just wouldn't find me … oh well : P The next chap should be out soon… erm… unfortunately there'll be more…dun dun DUNN plot! *ducks behind desk to avoid rotten tomatoes* But the chap after that! Ooo! *grins really evilly* is going to be soo much fun! Mwahahahahahah- *throws her head back in evil laughter, but manages to hit it on the wall behind her* ow. Darn wall. Watch where you're going! Erm… where was I…? Oh right, -ahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!! Anyway… review? Please? Pretty please? With Snape on top? (how can you refuse?) Thanks! Now I'm off to go write the next chap…or maybe I'll skip right to the chap after that…*cackles and flies away on her broom stick with little flying platypi following her and that music (da dum da dum da duum dum) in the background*

Thanks for reviewing!:

LegacyLady: Wow! Thank you! Hope this and the next chap don't dowse that dynamite… although the chap after that should still be able to light it… I hope! Also…dun de dun daaa you get a cookie for being the most enthusiastic reviewer this chap!! Yay! *grin*

Lady FoxFire: Sorry… I kinda had to though… erm you see *thinks how to say this with out giving too much away…* well, even if Snape is the only person Potter knows who can do wandless magic d'you think he would ask to be _his_ apprentice if he had a choice? I'm thinking the only way Potter would voluntarily hang around Snape would be if he was the only one left from his past (before Voldemort's rebirth) life… so that means I've got to kill everyone off … which isn't easy to do*sigh* About your wolf… well you see… umm… I could have him just be … away… umm and want to be left alone or something… *sigh* The point is he can't be around. He's gotta be gone, out of the picture. So, I give you the privilege of choosing why, where, etc. … unless you want him to be dead. So just review this chap and tell me, and I'll put it in especially for you? K? ^_^

Deity: *grins* I did? Why thank you! (I absolutely love proving people wrong *evil grin*) Waiting's over!

Charzy: You are? Yay! *grin* Here you go!

Hermionegranger: Thanks! *grin* I should? Okay then, here you are! ^_^

Nicky: Thank you! *grin* I wasn't planning on continuing, but rather developing it in different ways… I might continue though… is there something you had in mind for me to continue on? 

Mistress Cresacre: Really? Yay! Okay, it was 'I knew he felt guilty for sending Potter on his first and- his first mission' what happened was that usually that phrase goes 'first and last' right? Well he was going to say that but he was in denial that Potter was dead for Albus' sake so he censored himself and kept it to his first mission. Okay? If not just ask me again… I'm not so great at explaining things, but if there is anything you don't get, anything at all, I'd be more then happy to try to explain it to you ^_^ … as long as it's not a spoiler for the rest of the fic, but then I just won't answer it. Thanks for askin'! *grin* an here's your short-sooner-then-later chap!

Kelzery: Two 'really's!? wow! Thank you! *grin* here you are, as requested!

Otonopaz: Thanks! *grin* .. glad I didn't cut of half way to… *backs up slowly* (he he) Well of course another cliffie! How else am I supposed to end it? As for your questions… thy should be answered soon… if not by the chap 6, ask again an I'll tell (maybe *evil grin*)! Well, here's the chap! Hope your nails didn't get too short! (eep! And I hope this chap is good enough to keep peeves away!)

Warewolf Cub: really? Thank you! In that case, here's more!

Saavik: Sadly yes, I have to, I know I like the old fart too (doesn't everyone?). But he must die (for why read my response to Lady FoxFire) Wow! You can ignore those plot bunnies! Now that's will power! Here's the chap (short and boring as it is *sigh*) and I agree about speculation! It's all part of the fanfic experience!! ^_^

Wink at J00: Of course I like your story! Its really good! I just wish I you could update more… I know! *Sevrin sends her flying platypi to break down Wink at J00's writers block!* Go my pretties! Go! *blink blink* You cried!!! O_O … WOW!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!! *dances around and jumps up and down waving her arms frantically in glee* Yeah! Go Sev an Harry fics!!! (I agree about the slash… I mean Sev's old enough to be harry's father(and he usually is anyways)… its kinda creepy) OMG!!! I'm going on your fav story list!!! That is sooooo awesome!!!!!!!! Thank you!!! Thank you!!! Thank you!!! Yippee!! *squeals and does a happy dance* I hope LagcyLady doesn't mind, but you are defiantly getting two, count 'em, TWO

Cookies for that wonderful review!!! THANK YOU!!! *posts review on wall next to other one*

Pinkmoon: I thought so. You're a bit late for chap 3… but how bout chap 4?


	4. Answers Never Come Easy, Part II

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter-verse, even the apprenticeship thing isn't mine; I first read it in The Sorcerer's Apprentice by Jacquez. The story is really good, so I strongly suggest you go read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=687280

Chapter 4: Answers Never Come Easy, Part II 

"Poppy?" I searched as I entered the Hospital wing.

"Here, Severus, quickly." She called from the corner of the bright room. As I approached, pain filled moans and the rattling of a bed being tossed around in met my ears. I quickened my pace and Poppy met me halfway.

"Here," she reached out for the potions, "I need to prepare them." I gave her the bottles and continued over to Potter. The sounds I had heard were indeed coming from him. He was thrashing around in his bed and looked to be in pain. 

"Potter?" I asked gently as I approached trying to calm him, but he was in a fitful sleep. "Potter, wake up." I ordered stiffly. He hadn't seemed to hear me. "Potter." I bid, moving over closer to him, but there was no response save for the continued moaning and thrashing. Poppy came over to the other side of the bed, mumbling to herself and obviously pre-occupied. 'Can't even handle a simple night mare, Poppy?'

"Ennervate." Potter's eyes snapped open and he let out a horrible scream, lurched up into a sitting position and since I was closest, grabbed the front of my robes.

"Help! Profes- please! You- you must- Arahh!" He cried, his face terrified but eyes unseeing, as he smashed himself back down against the bed and started writhing.

"Severus, quickly, hold him down." I nodded and held down his shoulders; he cried against my force and continued struggling. 

"Apertus Rostrum." Potter's mouth jerked open and Poppy poured the potions down his throat. He struggled for a moment longer before becoming silent and limp.

"What-?"

"I don't know Severus," she shook her head, "it must have something to do with the poison… did you find an antidote?" She looked up at me hopefully.

"As much as I would have _loved_ to do your job for you, there is no antidote-"

"but-"

"because," I continued, annoyed by the interruption, "it is not a poison, that much I gathered from the formula before being," I glared at her, "_interrupted_. Tell me, you do know where to get potions, yes? And you also know their names, correct? _And_ you have a budget I assume?" I asked acridly. She looked a little ashamed at first then looked up at me indignantly.

"Well, I don't usually have to treat people during the summer. It's two months for heaven's sake, **go somewhere**!" She replied bitterly.

"Poppy, I believe it is the motto of a group of young muggle boys, 'always be prepared.' If they can master that theorem, I'm sure you could as well, with a little effort that is." She glared at me before ushering me out as only she could. 

As I walked through the dim halls to my chambers, I kept seeing Potter's face dance in front of my eyes. 'Damn child, even when he's unconscious he annoys the hell out of me', I thought, though it was lacking much of its usual edge. I just couldn't be angry with the child while he was desperately asking for help in my mind. This had me worried. 'Am I growing soft?' ~Why shouldn't you? I took care of Voldemort. You don't have to pretend anymore.~ Potter was now not only in my eyes but in my head, again. 'I told you not to invade my head, Potter!' ~Then don't let me… humph, couldn't do it, could you?~ 'Go. A. Way.' ~Umm, no.~ 'What? arr… fine! Just be quiet!' ~You're right, you have gone soft.~ 'I told you to shut up!' ~Scared of the truth? You shouldn't be. Why be the greasy git anymore? You don't have too.~ 'Because that is who I am, Potter! Now. Sod. Off.' ~You're wrong. You are a bastard now, but you weren't _always_ one.~ 'Then why change.' ~Why not change? You said it yourself. You're getting soft. So why fight it?~ 'There are reasons I can not become _soft_, Potter.' ~Not good ones. You are no longer a spy, so no need to act like one. Guilt? To keep your self from having happiness you don't deserve? If so you're being selfish. I'm sure everyone would appreciate the nice you a lot more then the callous you.~ 'If I throw a stick, would you finally go away?' ~Well, since you asked so nicely, I'll just leave you with this. Trust opens doors. See you soon.~ 'Idiot.'

"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity." I ordered the painting of a giant pink and yellow bunny guarding my chambers, a gift from Albus of course. I felt a pang of sadness as I looked at the picture. 'Albus… you never found out…I- he's alive, Albus, alive.' I allowed my self to remember the great wizard for a moment before banishing those thoughts and entering my rooms. 'This is no time to grieve.' I sat down at my desk and tried to get to work on the next year's lesson plans, but it was futile, and I soon zoned out. I saw Albus and Potter in a never-ending field. There were flowers and lush green grass, but it was too bright. So bright that when I tried to approach, I caught fire. The field started drifting away then, up wards, too high for me to reach. The ground slipped beneath my feet and I fell, still aflame.

"No!" I woke with a start, the dream was easy enough to understand, but I wouldn't let it happen. 'No, for Albus' sake I will make sure the annoying prat lives. That's what he wanted, so that's what will happen.' I seized the little leather book from its resting place and opened it to the last page. 'If there isn't an antidote, then maybe there is a way to reverse the effects, or maybe if I could find out what it did…' I hurriedly started making notes and cross-referencing, again. And so I wasted another six hours hunched over that bloody book, with, again, no results.

"Damn you, Potter. Why couldn't you have just told me what it was?" I muttered angrily, before realizing what I had said. 'Why not go ask him?' I checked my watch, 'the potion should have worn off by now. I suppose it wouldn't hurt just to go check. I can't take any more of this pointless time wasting.' On that thought I left my chambers, again, and walked up all those stairs, again. 'And people wonder why I'm so thin.' I snorted as I finished climbing up to the Hospital Wing. I pushed the door open and glided silently to Potter's bed. I waited a meter away from his still figure to be sure he was awake. He was. In the dim strips of moonlight I could tell his eyes were open. He was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. I was about to approach him when he asked calmly,

"Sir?" I approached. "Even the slightest sound is a scream in here. So…" 'Does no one have the mental capacity to finish sentences?'

"Finish your sentence, Potter." I ordered quite patiently. He glanced indifferently at me for the first time since I had approached before setting his eyes on the ceiling again. "And please look at me when I'm talking to you, though I'm sure the ceiling is quite fascinating." 

"You'd be surprised." He mused to himself then rolled his head to face me. "I was wondering why you were here, Sir."

"I need to know what happened." I said very calmly, but he still blanched at my words and turned back to the ceiling. "I must know if I am to help you, Potter. Look at me, child!" He turned and responded matter-of-factly. 

"I don't need your help." I scoffed.

"You certainly didn't think so yesterday when you were pleading for it." I said a little too smugly causing him to flinch and once again stare off at the ceiling. Obviously he wasn't pleased with himself for appearing weak, but it was a little late for that. I tried softer, "I need to know." Nothing. 'If not one way…' "Just tell me so I can leave, Potter! Now, what happened?" Annoyed by the lack of response, I decided to say the phrase that had been repeating itself over and over in my head. "Trust opens doors." That did it. He whipped his head around to stare at me accusingly.

"How did- who told-" He appeared furious, but his voice portrayed hurt confusion.

"That is personal," I paused, "but if I were to tell you, to _confide_ in you, then would you return that trust?" 'Confide in Potter? I must be going mad.' He closed his eyes in defeat and whispered,

"It was the last thing that Remus told me before leaving… how?" 'Here we go… this is going to sound crazy.' 

"Yesterday, while you were unconscious… I heard" 'Bloody hell, this is embarrassing!' My tone turned slightly sour and I hurried my pace, "you talk to me. Well more like pestered me as you always do." He turned back to the ceiling. 'Not the right thing to say Snape! Damn it you'll never gain his trust this way! Be… _nice_' I cringed inwardly at the word. "You were trying to- convince me of something. I finally got you to- erm, I finally understood what you meant, and before leaving the last thing you said was, that trust opens doors." I sighed, 'there I said it.' I looked over to the boy; he looked unphased by my peculiar experience. This surprised me at first, but then I accepted I'd jus be hearing about it later. I supposed he must've been thinking the whole time of his own story, 'how like him.' "Your turn." I ordered, though staying gentle. He opened his eyes tiredly and took a deep breath, but didn't say anything. He just opened and closed his mouth as if trying to find the right words. After a few seconds he sighed sharply,

"South-East corner of my room, 6 stones up, 2 right, tap twice with any of my possessions, pass word: cowardice," 'interesting,' "ask for…" he hesitated, and looked me over tentatively, "ask for 'action and consequence." Once finished he turned his head to face away from me. He was done talking, and so was I. I had what I came for… I hoped.

"Thank you." I whispered as the wing door swung silently shut behind me.

AN: Okay! Boring and Short Chap, Part 2 over and done! I tried to keep this chap interesting… even if the plot was working against me… did I succeed? This chap was also a little longer then the last, but still pretty short… but rest assured the next one will make up for it! *grins evilly* Speaking of that, its going to take awhile for the next one cause much to my dismay I'll be busy the next week and won't have much time to write : P hopefully it'll be worth the wait! ^_^ Reviews always make my day! And they make me work much faster, especially if they included threats ^ ^ So go ahead, tell me what you think! … please? … Or I'll send my flock of flying platypi after you! 

Thanks for Reviewing!:

LagacyLady: Aww! You're so nice! Thank you! There will definitely be more to await next chap! I can't wait to start! *is giddy* Severus nailed to a "T"? Really? *grins and blushes* Hope you liked this chap! Your review really got me finally going on it! ^_^

Lady FoxFire: Erm… I just said that Remus was away, it didn't fit the moment to add anymore detail, but if I can I'll add his exact status later on ^_^ As for who _poisoned_, Harry? … No one *smiles innocently*

Saavik: Ooo! Really?! *pats Mr.Happy affectionetly* "I gotta get me one a dees!" I'll try to get into desperate Harry more in the chap after next, you're right he does sound fun! As for Ron… *smiled wickedly and rubes hands together* I'm sure I can cook _something_ up… 

Prophetess Of Hearts: Bingo!

Pinkmoon: No need to be sorry! None at all! No, no! Master Pinkmoon needs not be sorry to Sevrin! Sevrin likes Master Pinkmoon! Sevrin was just kidding! Sevrin is sorry if she caused any anxiety! *shakes head and turns from house elf back to human* er, sorry about that -_-() … here you are! *points up at chap*

Kelzery: Thank you very very very very (ha, 4x) much! Hopefullt you'll know what is going on soon! 

Mistress Cresacre: You do! Yay! You'll find out soon! 

Wink At J00: Glad you agree! I never like it when the story is handed to me on a silver platter, so hopefully you'll have fun speculating for a while (not too much longer I hope, though ^ ^) Yay more stories by Wink At J00! Always a good thing!! WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? TO ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? That's so amazing! I'm speechless! … but luckily I'm typing this! Thank you!!! That's so cool! You're so cool! Yay!!! *is very very giddy! So decides to bounce off walls* 

"freaking awesome"! wow! *lands* That's just what Sev's wondering now to! You'll know soon! Please update soon yourself and so will I! ^_^ THANK YOU FOR THE AWESOME REVIEW!!! As thanks I will order my flock of flying platypi to protect you from evil flamers! (Not that's you'd get any flames mind you, so they'll basically just be hanging around, if you want to stick them on a slow author, though, you can do that too*grins*)

Zardiphillian Beryllix: Wow! You review all three instead of just the last! Thanks! That's so considerate! Here's more!

Sasina: Really? On your faves list! Yay! Thanks! Voldie and Peeves, hun? I think I'd better get to work…As for Snape, you hit the nail on the head… is that how it goes? Suddenly I'm getting doubts… *shrugs* oh well! Thanks! I'll try to find time this week to read one of your fics *cringes* I'm going to be so busy… but I'll try!

You said my grammar sucks, could you be more specific so I can fix it or improve or something? Thanks ^_^

Otonopaz: I'm glad! Here ya go!


	5. Secret Shared

I just added the response to reviews, so if you think you've read this chap, you probably have ^^

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter-verse, even the apprenticeship thing isn't mine; I first read it in The Sorcerer's Apprentice by Jacquez. The story is really good, so I strongly suggest you go read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=687280 

There are also lines in here from Lord of the Flies and Shakespeare, they, obviously, aren't mine.

I don't remember who it was, and since ff.net is down I can't check, but I'm pretty sure at least one person commented about the format of having speech in "…" and thoughts in '…', they said it was confusing and I am inclined to agree, so I've changed it. Now Sev's thoughts will appear between …. Hope it's clearer and thanks for pointing it out! ^_^

Warning: If you don't like Harry-torture, do not read this chap! If you don't read this chap but want to continue reading my fic, please just review and say so and in the next chap I'll post a little summary of what you need to know, okay? If you do decide to read this chap: I am evil, you have been warned.

Chapter 5: Secret Shared

I stood over what Potter had directed me to. It was a pensieve. I hesitated a moment, watching the gaseous silver swirl. Potter had never talked about his absence after defeating Voldemort (I assumed that was what this was about). Some people asked but their queries fell onto deaf ears. They all gave up easily. Anyone who might have given a damn about Potter had either left or died. All that remained were people who cared about The-Boy-Who-Lived, and the boy had lived, so what was the problem? After Potter was nursed back to health from the verge of death, he went on as if nothing had ever happened. I didn't care. I was consumed by grief bordering on depression. Albus was dead. Nothing else mattered. I didn't care then, so why do I now? The reason was simple, I am in debt. A month after leaving care, Potter came to see me. I hadn't left my chambers or spoken to anyone for months and was in a downward spiral. He asked to be my apprentice in defense against the dark arts and wandless magic. I told him to leave; well more like I kicked him out… violently. He came back, of course. I told him it was of no use to study defense since Voldemort was dead. He laughed and asked me if I really thought the world would be at peace forever. I told him to go study with someone else, and again reminded him of our animosity…violently. It took him longer to come back the next time, but come he did. He asked me if Albus would have wanted me to waste my life, the one that he had tried so hard to save. I tried to kill the boy for simply saying _his_ name in my presence. When he finally woke up four days later, there was a note waiting for him on his bedside table, telling him that he would be to report to my office as soon as he woke up and that I wouldn't tolerate tardiness. He had saved me, again.

***flash back (yes… _another_ one)***

The door to my chambers that had been immobile for months shook under the force of a knocking hand. I glared at the door. It had been weeks since the last person had come to draw me out, I thought they had given up.

"What?" I yelled, angry and hoarse. 

"May I come in?" That voice… Potter. I threw a vial at the door sending shards of glass everywhere. "Was that a yes?"

"No, you stupid cheeky prat!" I no longer had any reservations about saying exactly what I thought.

"I guess I have no choice but to enter by force then." He said merrily and blew the door to smithereens, much like a toddler with a bazooka. He stepped over the threshold and glanced around as he walked over to my corner of the room. I kept my wand on him the whole time. When he was halfway across, I stopped him.

"What in hell's name to you want, Potter? And don't take another step or I swear to God I'll blast you off this earth." 

"Nice to see you again to, Severus." He smiled and took another step forward, then added words to his challenge, "What's God to you?" His tone relayed a simple calling of a bluff, but I knew he was also asking a deep question of what had become of my life. I ignored both.

"What. Do. You. Want." I growled, keeping my wand on the boy.

"Well since you appreciate directness, I am here to request a favour." I growled. "I wouldn't ask anyone else because you are a leader in the field and one of the sole surviving wielders of a certain talent." I shot a curse at him, which he dodged easily. "Touchy, touchy. Fine, I've had my fun. I request you take me on as your apprentice in the fields of defense against the dark arts, techniques and theory in particular, and wandless magic." I laughed for the first time in a long while, mirthless as it was.

"Expilliarmus!" I shouted and watched as Potter flew into the wall outside my door. He wasn't surprised at all by my attack, and waved as he sailed into the wall with a sickening thud. He got up from the floor after a moment and summoned his wand from my hand.

"Wouldn't want to leave before fixing your door, that'd be just rude." He smiled again, casting repairo on the sawdust lying around. I scowled as he disappeared behind a new door… complete with a window made from the glass shards.

"Bastard."

The next day he came again, but didn't bother knocking, and walked right up to my desk where I was sitting, waking me from my self induced stupor.

"So, have you thought about my query, Severus?"

"No." I replied flatly, not looking up at the boy and pretending to be busy with some books; really I was still quite dazed.

"Researching something?" He asked lazily as he leaned forward on my desk.

"You've amazed me with your keen observational skills, Potter. Yes, I'm researching something quite complex actually; it's way beyond the grasp of your simpleton brain. So. Go…" he didn't move so I looked up at him and glared. "Now." He smirked and reached towards my book, rotated it 180 degrees and set it back down in front of me.

"That might help. But I'm not too sure, my simpleton brain gets confused so easily." I growled at his sarcastic tone and mentally cursed myself for not noticing the book. "Hmm. Maybe _you_ should become _my_ apprentice in the fine art of seeming to be doing work. Yes, this teaching thing could go both ways."

"I'm not teaching you anything, nor can you teach me anything. The only thing I will teach you is how to leave. The door is that way, walk to it, open it, pass through, close it and never come back. Understood?"

He shook his head negatively. "Maybe if you stop acting like a toddler and tell me why you will not take me on, instead of no, no , no, I'd leave."

"Humph. You mean my reasons are so obscure even your superior powers of observation can't make them out?"

"Humour me." I looked him in the eyes, hoping to get something through that thick skull.

"For one, Voldemort is taken care of, so extensive DADA training is superfluous." I saw a look of guilt flash through his face, guilt? Why on earth would Potter fell guilty about killing Voldemort? The look quickly passed as he covered it by disbelieving laughter. 

"Really, Severus, who so you take me for? You know as well as I do that this war didn't end with Voldemort. War is eternal, it's just at a slow point right now." As he finished, he blinked in surprise at what he just said and as recognition set in on his face, his expression turned very dark, disappointed, hurt and lost. I noted this strange reaction with more then a bit of curiosity. He seemed sure of himself when he was talking, then immediately appeared to regret it, why? Merlin help me, he's gone mad. Oh well, what do I care? So I ignored him and continued.

"Second, you need to actually posses a natural ability to perform wandless magic in order to learn to use it effectively."

"I have used wandless magic in the past." His tone was now very restricted and forced, he was obviously not willing to go into detail about the incident, and frankly I didn't care.

"Third, I despise you." The boy scoffed. I lifted and eyebrow, "I know the fact that someone could possibly _not_ like you is hard for you to understand, Potter, but believe me, I. Don't. I thought you would have at least noticed _that_ after all these years." He still looked unconvinced; I suppose I'll have to convince him then won't I? I rolled my eyes and pulled out my wand. 

"Incendio Interno!" I cast the spell at Potter's mid-section, lighting a fire inside. Harsh, yes. Undeserved, no. He doubled over slightly before wincing as he stood straight and nodded stiffly at me. He turned and I could see his face screw up in pain as he stumbled haltingly out of my office. Out of sight, out of mind. I returned to my _researching_.

It was after five days that I had finally forgotten about Potter and was back to moping about in my office when I heard the door open.

"Damn you, Potter!"

"Hello, Severus!" He answered chuckling as he approached my desk. "Back to researching I see?"

"You are truly pathetic, Potter. Now go before you regret it." I had had enough, and apparently so had he.

"Merlin, Severus! How daft can you be?! I'm pathetic? You're sitting here day after day just staring at your bloody papers! You haven't left the dungeons in months, haven't published any new papers, haven't come up with any new potions, you haven't even _made_ any potions for that matter! Severus, you're wasting your life!" I leapt up from my chair and splayed my hands on my desk, leaning over in an intimidating manner.

"I don't remember asking for your opinion, Potter. What I do with my life is none of your concern!"

"Oh but I think it is! It's my concern because Albus wanted it to be! He always used to tell me to that you were worth getting to know, he kept pestering me to try to get along with you during Order meetings. I tried, Severus! Oh, Merlin did I try! But you made it so difficult! I was young and I gave up easily, but now- I won't give up on you-"

"Like they did on me?" I finished his sentence for him, but he pretended not to hear me and continued more calmly. 

"He tried so hard to save you, Severus. To make sure you lived and now you're just throwing that all away. Why, Severus? Have you no respect for him?" I was angry beyond all words, except two. I whipped out my wand,

"Avada Kedavra!" Potter shook his head sadly at me as the curse rushed towards him. He and I both knew I wasn't powerful enough to kill him, even with that curse, but I would settle with knocking him out for a week or so.

A week later he woke up in the hospital wing with a letter beside his bed,

I, Severus Snape, agree to take you, Harry Potter, on as my apprentice in 

defense against the dark arts and wandless magic. You are to report to my 

office as soon as possible. You will refer to me as Sir or Professor. I will not tolerate tardiness, cheek or asinine behavior. I am no longer your professor, I am more then that now, and as such I can punish you how I will. Good day.

***end flashback***

He had saved me, again. Now it was time to return the favour. 

"Show me 'action and consequence'" I commanded as I dipped my finger in. The world darkened around me and I found my self in Lucius' drawing room. In the center of the large ornate space were Potter and Voldemort. Wands pointed at each other. They were still just making small talk however.

"Sso Harry Potter, we meet again. But thiss time you have ssought me out. Why, I wonder?"

"Don't be silly, Riddle, I came here for tea. I've heard wonderful things about your biscuits." Potter smiled mockingly. Voldemort stared daggers at the usage of his former name, but then grinned in the least threatening way he could manage and replied smoothly. 

"Indeed? In that casse. Wormtail! Don't jusst sit there get our guesst some tea!" He yelled at the man cowering beside the wall. As he scurried to the door next to him I looked around at the rest of the room, it was empty save a long table at one end of the room and two doors at the other, both strongly locked. All the death eaters were gone except Wormtail, and Lucius who was standing next to the table looking smug as usual.

"My L-lord the t-tea is in the a-adjoining room, and I-I can't get th-through."

"I ssee. Crucio." He muttered lazily, and turned to Potter. The boy looked like he was torn between enjoying watching the man squirm and pitying him. "You know Potter, it really iss quite difficult to find good help these dayss." With that he ended the curse.

"I suppose we'll just have to forgo the pleasantries then." The boy shrugged.

"Another day perhapss." Voldemort replied off-handedly.

"Unfortunately, that won't be possible. Fulminare!" Potter cast the powerful lightning spell without any of the usual duel formalities or warning, and threw Voldemort to the ground. My, my we are playing dirty…and powerfully too.

"Tssk. Tssk, Potter, not following the ruless?" Voldemort spat while getting up calmly, but trained eyes could see he faltered minutely before standing upright. 

"And I suppose you would have me believe you would?" Potter laughed with surprising acrimony.

"Well, now that we've sstarted on the wrong foot- Expilliarmus!" He shot, but Potter blocked it.

"Oh come now, Riddle, I'm not a little kid anymore. Take the gloves off. This is it after all, the battle you and I've been waiting for. Perdo Lunea!" A white bar of light shot out of Potter's wand and hit Voldemort in the shoulder. He winced quickly before pointing his wand at the Potter.

"Gladius Aspergo!" Scores of sharp silver poles flew towards the boy, he dodged some but others found their mark and he found himself on the floor.

"That's more like it." He said, springing to his feet and casting another spell. "Manus Fragor."

"Ah!" Voldemort exclaimed as a tiny explosion occurred in his closed wand hand. All of the spells that Potter was using were ones he had obviously developed himself, as neither I nor Voldemort seemed to know what they would do or how to block them. So that's what you've been doing all year. Clever. Since Voldemort didn't know what the spell would do, the unexpected pain made him drop his wand. 

"Accio Wand!" Potter yelled immediately after he finished the previous spell. The wand flew at Potter, but stopped mid-flight as Voldemort also yelled

"Accio Wand!" while holding his hand out. Surprise, surprise! But instead of focusing on his own wand, he pulled for Potter's and since the boy was concentrating on Voldemort's wand, the boy's wand came right to him. Uh oh.

"Humph. Not sso cocky now are we, Potter? My wand won't work for you, but you can keep it none the lesss if you wish, I have no need for it. Ass a matter of fact, I'm sstronger without it. Allow me to demonsstrate, Crucio." With no means to defend himself Potter fell down in agony as Voldemort approached. He ended the spell as he reached the boy and Potter got up slowly to face him. "Defenseless. Just like Black. And I assume you know what happened to him?"

"Yeah. We saved him." He replied smugly. Why does he has to find out this way? I should've told him!

"Oh, but you are misstaken." He cackled. "He iss quite dead, I made sure of that 24 hourss ago." Confusion and denial melted into sorrow and despair as Potter realized it was the truth. Don't get distracted, Potter! He's playing with you! "But don't be too distresssed, he wass begging for it after all. Groveling at my feet, pleading for me to end the torture. Sso I did… after a while." He hissed ominously. Potter's face twisted into anger at Voldermort's lack of respect.

"You bastard. First Ron-"

"Weassley? Oh yess I remember him. He _wass_ fun. I ssliced his sscalp sso that hiss hair would _really_ be red. It wass quite pathetic actually, he kept ssaying that you'd come and ssave him… of coursse I knew you never would. But no matter, I simply shredded hiss tongue and plucked out hiss teeth. He didn't talk much after that." Don't let him get to you, Potter! Stay focused!

"You bloody-!"

"Tut, tut, Potter. Did your mother teach you to talk like that? I suposse she did. She wass a ssavage little whore."

"LIAR!" Potter was fuming now.

"Oh am I? Didn't you ever wonder why everyone liked her sso much?" Potter was speechless in fury, so Voldemort continued. "Then again your father wassn't much better. Oh sure he got lots of medalss and recognition, but what do you think earned him all of that? Hiss skill or hiss vault?" He left the question hanging, Potter seething, but still silent. "Oh but they were a perfect pair. They had sso much in common: ssex, drugss, alcohol. And they were both abhorrent when they found out about their little… accident." On the last word Voldemort looked at Potter suggestively, and then the world went black. It was odd that it did so suddenly, which pensieves never do. I must investigate that.

The blackness faded and the world slowly became clear again. Potter was on the floor, but there was no sign of Voldemort. He sat up very slowly and lifted his wand,

"Apparate" he said. Nothing happened. He tried again, but still nothing happened. Then a wicked chuckle rose from the far wall. It was Malfoy. He strutted over, an arrogant smile plastered to his face. 

"Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me." He drawled smugly as he kicked Potter in the head, once again returning the world to darkness. Bastard.

I felt the world swishing around me before a new scene came to life. I was in one of the more secret reception rooms at the Malfoy Mansion. All the heavy green curtains blocked out most of the light, giving the room an eerie atmosphere. There were two throne-like chairs at one end of the room, but nothing else. Lucius was sitting in the right chair looking boredly at Potter who lay in the middle of the room, face down and presumably unconscious.

"Wormtail! Wake him up. I'm tired of waiting."

"Yes, My Lord." I hadn't noticed the crouching figure behind Lucius. As he walked over to Potter, the boy spoke groggily but none the less menacingly.

"If you come any closer I'll make your organs explode one by one." He lifted his head slowly. "Malfoy, what a pleasant surprise. Is it finally time for that tea?" The older man chuckled.

"Oh, but I have something much better to offer you, Harry." Potter eyed him suspiciously. "Allow me to explain. You have killed Voldemort. Congratulations by the way." He wasn't being sarcastic. "Now that he is gone, there is an… opening." He finished redolently. Potter just laughed cynically. 

"The famous Harry Potter becoming the next Dark Lord, yeah, that's probable. Humph."

"Don't be silly, Harry. I'm taking his place not you. But with myself moving up, I am in need of a right-hand man."

"Never."

"Now lets not jump to conclusions, Harry. I'm not like Voldemort. I don't hate muggles, I never did. The only thing that drew me to Voldemort was power. Power is everything, Harry. There is nothing else."

"I've heard this before, Malfoy. 'There is no good or evil, only power and those to weak to seek it'. You're wasting your time. You will never be as powerful as Voldemort, they'll beat you and then that'll be the end of the war. Your days are numbered Malfoy, is this how you want to spend them?"

"Silly child, the war will never be over. There may be quiet periods, there may pass tens of years without a single incident, but sooner or later, there'll be a spark between old rivals. That spark will light the fire of prejudice. That fire will turn into an inferno as once again people become split, and the world will be once again be at war. So the question is not do you want to continue this war, war never stops so it can't be continued. The question is, do you want to do something with your life?"

"You're wrong! War is not eternal! If anything would be, it would be peace! Were it not for Voldemort, that's what we would have!"

"You are correct on one point, Harry, war is only as eternal as man. It is human nature to hate, fight and kill. That is what drives us. Don't fool yourself with your so-called morals, Harry. You hated Voldemort, you fought him, you killed him. When you saw Voldemort torture Wormtail, you smiled. You may not have realized it, but you did. Then just now, you proved you hate him, given the chance, you would fight him, and you would kill him. Then what? You said you'd be at peace. Would you? If Fudge took say…Snape, yes I know he's a spy, and sent him to Azkaban without trial for being a DeathEater, you would hate him, you would find a way to fight him, and you would kill him. This would enrage a loyal Ministry worker, he would hate you, he would fight you, and he would kill you. Lupin would hate that ministry worker, he would fight him, and to avenge your death he would kill him. It's a cycle, Harry. There's no way to stop it. What you do with your life won't affect that. Join me." Through out his speech Lucius had been approaching Potter. On the last line he lowered himself to Potter's eye level, and waited as his words sunk in. Potter's face was indifferent. A stone mask. Cold and hard. Then he opened his mouth and spat in Lucius' face. 

"You will regret that. Wormtail, when he loses consciousness, bring him to his room." With that he left the room, but before the doors slammed shut he pointed his wand behind his back and lazily muttered,

"Crucio." Potter fell back to the floor, whimpering but not screaming, Lucius really wasn't that powerful, magically anyway. He lay there for minute after minute, jerking and twitching. He finally let out a screech and the room faded to black.

White. All I could see was white; save Potter's head and hands, the rest of him must have been dressed in white robes, crouched in the middle of the room- was it a room? If it was, the walls were so white that you couldn't tell where one ended or began. All I was sure of was that I was standing on something, so there must be a floor. Light seemed to radiate from the very air in the room so there were no shadows. The result was horrible. Like being blind. I could hear Potter moan as he stood slowly. He looked very stiff and sore, but why would he be, he was under the cruciatus until he lost consciousness. That couldn't have been… comfortable. The boy was looking around the room in confusion, rubbing his eyes trying to find walls, or anything that his vision could focus on. He finally gave up after a moment and sat back down with his eyes closed.

Behind me I heard footsteps so I turned around. Lucius, also clothed in white robes, was walking through a dark archway that disappeared after he entered 

"So, you're finally awake?" Lucius' voice echoed as he smiled malevolently, advancing on the now standing boy. They looked into each other's eyes, testing each other's will and self control. Lucius finally blinked first. Potter looked quite happy with himself but Lucius wasn't troubled. He smiled quickly then rammed his fist into Potter's abdomen. The boy buckled and fell to the ground gasping for air. The older man chuckled and pulled a vile out of his pocket, pouring the heavy vapour contents over Potter. I recognized the potion immediately; I had brewed it after all. Demen Fog, it was of the painful sort that induced seizures, hypersensitivity to pain and schizothymia, the vapor was also strong enough to seep through clothes and skin. The potion took effect immediately. Potter's eyes glazed over as they darted from non-existent form to non-existent form, and he started to convulse. 

"Join me." Lucius ordered. Potter was still under the effects of the potion so he didn't respond right away, but he finally ground out through clenched teeth,

"Never." 

"I told you, Harry, power rules above all else: morals, prejudices, skills, principles, hatred… everything. I have power over you, therefore _I_ rule over you. Let me demonstrate." He smiled and rammed his right foot, hard, into the boy's ribcage. Potter let out a pain-filled howl and grabbed his side. Just like before… I had finally recognized the scene that had played out by the tree as the same one that had just happened. Why didn't I recognize the symptoms of my own potion before? Potter stopped convulsing and the schizothymia ended shortly afterwards, but I knew the third side effect lasted the longest because of the flig root in combination with hippogriff talons. 

"Still not convinced, Harry? Well perhaps with a little more… persuasion." He smiled wickedly and took out his wand. So that's why Potter had screamed so intensely. I wonder if Malfoy knew that while still under the effects of my potion his hostage could be killed by the cruciatus. I bet that would've been a nasty surprise for him. What should I have expected though? He was never any good at potions. Stupid git. My thoughts were calm, but truly I was anything but. I knew what was going to happen next, the boy was going to scream. I had heard it before, and I had no intention of hearing it again. It had been terrible, had I not been the cool, calm and collected man I am, I would have run away. I wanted to just get out of Potter's pensieve, but I didn't know what I had come to find out: what the hell was going on? Finally my curiosity and will power won out. 

"Crucio!" Lucius yelled, quite enjoying the sight and sounds of Potter in tremendous pain. It was all I could do, on the other hand, to keep myself from running away from that horrible, piercing noise that made your gut melt and your hands shake. I covered my ears and backed away from the child. I was about to start screaming myself, just to block out the horrible noise when it finally ended. I slumped to the floor panting, the memories that scream had brought back were not pleasant ones, and I struggled to burry them once again. I did so by turning my attention towards Potter. I knew he wasn't dead, but there was something about a semi-unconscious body curled up on the floor that instilled worry. The room started to fade and the last thing that I heard before being plunged into darkness was Lucius' voice.

"Weakling. Maybe I don't need him after all… well not as an ally anyway… but maybe- yes," he chuckled, "one can never have to many toys…"

The white room appeared before my eyes. Potter was sitting, hunched, in the middle; amazingly he still had his glasses and was presently trying to clean them with shaky hands and his white robe. This room is an odd choice for Lucius, he usually prefers the traditional dungeons. I wonder if- but my thoughts were interrupted by Lucius entering the same way he had previously. 

"Have a nice nap, Harry?" The boy in question slowly got up and turned to man, staring daggers at him. "Come now, Harry, don't be so harsh. I was quite generous, giving you four whole days to sleep. Consequently, you must be thirsty…" Four days with no food or water and you think he must be thirsty, Malfoy? My, my we are insightful. "hmm, now how to remedy that I wonder…"

"With water you idiot." Potter tried to spit harshly, but his throat must have been so dry all he could manage was a strained croak.

"You want water, Harry? Well… I think I can manage that…" He smiled, not a good sign. "I'll come back when you're done." He said, as he turned and left the room through the same disappearing archway. Before Potter could try and protest, water started falling from the ceiling like a very heavy rain. He kneeled down slowly, though it was obvious he couldn't wait for his lips to touch the water, and started to drink without even testing the water. Idiot. The water level was rising fast but Potter didn't seem to notice until his face became submerged. He straitened up quickly and let out a hiss of pain at the sudden movement. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, and slowly I could see that the pain ebbed away. He opened his eyes and looked around. 

"So he wants to drown me." He sighed, and looked up at the holes in the ceiling, trying to see if he could stop the flow. When none presented itself, he sighed. "There are worse ways to die. I guess I really wouldn't mind if this water wasn't so damn cold." I couldn't feel the water or the cold but it must have been quite frigid, for the boy's breath was now coming out in puffs of water vapour, and his nose and ears were red. The pure water was thigh high now. It was fascinating looking down; the water seemed to go on forever due to the odd properties of the "walls". Potter gasped as the water reached his abdomen and struggled to breath again. The water level was rising faster now, and was up to the boy's chest. 

'Bloody c-cold." Potter shivered, his lips were blue and I could see little ice crystals forming in calmer parts of the room. Potter started flailing his arms and lurching his body, what he was doing I couldn't say, but I knew he wasn't succeeding. 

"Move, damn you!" He shouted as he pulled at his legs. The water was now shoulder high. "Move! Move!" He cried, panic filling his voice as the water reached his chin. "MOVE!" The boy was panicking now, but I wasn't surprised. He thought he was going to die. I knew better, Lucius would never kill him in such a passive manner. Perhaps Potter knew too, but right now his survival instincts were telling him other wise. He took one last gasp of air before the water rose above his head. He splashed at the surface with his arms trying vainly to get air but the water was coming in much too fast now. In no time it was at his elbows, then at his wrists, then far above him. He reached at the surface, struggling against his feet which were apparently anchored to the floor. If he had had the means, the look in Potter's eyes said he would've cut off his feet without hesitation. Even with out means he was attempting to rip his ankles from his feet. It was futile and soon enough he the reflex to breath won out and he inhaled the water. It wasn't a pretty sight. When the water hit his lungs his body tried to cough it up, only succeeding in breathing in more causing him to jerk around under water. After a moment, all movement ceased. The boy's head, hair and arms floated lazily above him and he swayed like seaweed. His face was calm, he looked peaceful, contented. The world turned to black.

'No wonder Potter hates white.' I was in the white room again, and it looked as if this was where Potter spent his entire absence. The boy lifted himself off the ground with his arms and blinked a few times as if trying to remember what had just happened. Suddenly he jumped up and whipped himself around taking in his environment, a look of surprise and confusion on his face. He proceeded to study his hands as he let his right index explore his left hand, finally pinching it. Convinced that he was solid and actually alive he started walking. The room was still such a pure white that neither of us could tell if the walls (if there were any) were a meter or a mile away. So he kept walking, and I followed. 

Though we must have been walking for five minutes, in the right of my peripheral vision I saw the dark archway appear as if we hadn't moved at all. I turned to Lucius who walked through, though for the first time not alone. A Death Eater in mask and cloak followed him.

"Have a nice swim, Harry?" Potter turned and glared at the man, contempt clearly written on his face.

"The water was a tad chilly." He spat.

"Oh it was? What a shame." Potter scoffed. "You know I really am sorry."

"I'm sure." He replied sarcastically.

"Oh but I am, you see I even brought you a little present." He said motioning to the man behind him.

"Too weak to torture me yourself, Malfoy?"

"Harry, I'm hurt. I told you it was a _present_! Well you'll se I suppose… have fun." Lucius bid as he turned and left through the arch.

"So who are you, anyway?" The boy asked as he stood defensively where he was.

"Don't' you recognize me, Harry?" His head snapped up, eyes wide, face white as if he'd seen a ghost. The man behind the mask chuckled, lowered his hood and cast his mask aside. I gasped. Potter backed up scared.

"No, your dead!" The boy's voice was rising in panic.

"Is that how you greet your best friend, Harry?" It was Ron Weasly; the boy with which Voldemort had tested my loyalty. I passed.

"No- but- no you can't- you aren't- oh god I'm going crazy already! It's only been- how long has it been? I know I was out for four-"

"Harry?" Potter didn't hear Weasley's worried tone and just kept rambling to himself, pacing slightly.

"-days, but how long before that? And how long has it been since the water? It couldn't have been too long could it? Although I was dead- how did he revive me anyway? I've never heard of that sort of spell. How long did he leave me dead? The spell couldn't work after too long, but why did he revive me in the first place? He couldn't still be hung up on-" Potter was consciously trying to ignore the "ghost" and keep his mind busy, probably trying to drown out the memories that seeing his friend had brought back, while Weasley was watching with confusion.

"-Harry! Look, Harry! I'm alive, you're not crazy!" Weasley exclaimed, hoping to stop his friend's ranting. He didn't succeed until he actually walked up to Potter and grabbed his arm. Potter looked up at him in shock. "I told you I'm alive." He said mock-smugly.

"But Snape said-"

"You believed that ruddy git over your own eyes and your best friend?" I growled, but of course they didn't hear me. 

"But your dressed like- them." The boy took a step back, worry in his voice.

"Well, it's only proper! Being one and all, I mean." He replied matter-of-factly. 

"What?! But why? How could you?" He asked disbelievingly.

What?! But why? How could they? I wondered disgustedly. 

"Well when you didn't come, you didn't leave me much choice you know." Weasly replied bitterly. Potter's face fell, and he looked down at the ground. 

"I- I'm sorry- I-" 

"Oh you're sorry! Well that doesn't change much now does it? Doesn't take away the pain of having my scalp and tongue mutilated! Doesn't take away the hunger and thirst I felt when they only fed me once a day! Doesn't take away the shame I suffered when I finally realized that the hero of the wizarding world was too busy signing autographs to come and rescue his best friend and that the whole time the Dark Lord was right!"

"Ron! Please! I couldn't!" Potter pleaded to his fuming friend, but it was nothing to hamper the famous Weasley temper.

"Of course you could! You did it for Sirius!"

"That- that was different! Please- Ron-"

"You're right, Harry! It was different! All you would have had to do to save me would be to convince Snape! You found out about Snape's test long before it happened in a dream! You could have convinced Dumbledore to sacrifice Snape's cover for my life! But you chose Snape over me." 

Indeed?

"Ron, please! Let me explain!"

"There's nothing to explain! You chose a man who tortured you all through Hogwarts over me, your best friend. You're a traitor." 

As always, a bad choice of words, Weasley. That was a very touchy subject for Potter ever since his 6th year when Neville turned out to be working for Voldemort. A disgruntled student once called Harry a traitor after he had taken points from Gryffindor, the little bugger was lucky to get out alive. Harry's head snapped up, and his eyes narrowed.

"Look who's talking."

"You're not still hung up on Death Eaters being _evil_ are you, Harry? I mean come on, don't be so naïve. What Dumbledore fed us was all simplistic kids stuff. Voldemort was right, and so is Malfoy. There is only power, none of this bloody good and evil crap. Blimey! I can't believe you haven't realized it yet! I mean think about it, Harry! All the gold and power you want!"

"And all you have to do is kill innocent people." Potter responded darkly.

"Now Harry, nobody's innocent, you know that."

"Not anymore…" Potter mused under his breath.

"Exactly. So why try to be? Why live a lie, Harry? Embrace life! I just told Lord Voldemort that I'd do it, I'd join him, and all the pain ended! All you have'ta do is just tell Malfoy you'll do it! Then you'll get out of this bloody white room, and get a top spot! What else could'ya want?"

"Not to be a bloody pawn in some idiot's game."

"Harry, you just insulted my master! That's worse then someone insulting my friends! You know how angry that makes me, Harry! Why would you do that?" Weasley's face was turning red, and a vein in his forehead was throbbing, I had never seen him so mad. He chuckled as a heavy led pipe appeared in his right hand and he advanced on the boy. "Except now we're not at school are we? No one to hold me back, and now I have the power. I told'ya Harry, it's all about power." Weasley took one step forward, lifting the pipe and coming down with it across Potter's cheek. There was a loud thud as his head smashed into the floor.

"Et tu Bruté…" Potter whispered before the world was black.

When the room came back into view, Potter was rising into a sitting position, lightly fingering the bump on the back of his head. An ugly, bloody bruise had developed on his left cheek from Weasley's blow. He brought his fingers over to his cheek and then back in front of his face and sighed at the blood. He closed his eyes with a very hurt expression on his face and lay down on the white floor, his face towards me. I knew it wasn't the wounds that brought him this grievance. It was the betrayal. I saw his face twist in sadness as he obviously tried hard not to cry. He probably wouldn't have won, had the battle not been interrupted by another foe, this time a purely external one. An extremely angry looking Lucius. The arch he entered through was behind Potter, and he was obviously to preoccupied to notice the light tapping as the man's pointed patent leather shoes approached him. It was never a good idea to ignore a Malfoy, indeed what they hated most was being treated as insignificant. Potter did notice however as the tip of Lucius' shoe connected sharply with the muscle between his spine and left ribcage. He swiveled and pushed himself away from the towering man. 

"Well, hello to you too, Malfoy." Potter spat, he couldn't have yet looked the man in the face for had he done so he would not have said a word. Lucius was fuming. His eyes were slits and his lips were pressed into a thin white line. He was quite intimidating. 

"Get up." The man growled. At his tone Potter looked at the man and lost considerable colour from his face. Instead of getting up as asked, he backed away past me. 

"Get up!" Lucius yelled ferociously. Perhaps seeing symbolism in Lucius' change of tone, the boy got up slowly, taking as many steps back during the process as could be inconspicuously. 

"Come here… Now!" The boy hesitantly took one step forward before stopping, anxiety plainly written on his face. Lucius wasn't pleased. He took two steps forward and violently backhanded a heavy piece of iron chain across Potter's right cheek. The boy was thrown to the floor from the force and blood was trickling down from the corner of his mouth. He stayed down not sure of what to do, probably hoping that if he didn't provoke Lucius, he would stop soon. Unlikely. I had seen Lucius in these moods; the captives rarely came out alive. I shuddered as I realized that here Lucius seemed to be able to summon any weapon at will, and with his love of muggle devices…

Not good, definitely not good. I don't need to see this. I don't want to see this. I'm leaving.

~ Help! Sir please! You- you must-~ Potter's voice ran through my head again, No, I can't. I must find out what happened. For Albus, for Ha- A scream pulled me from my thoughts. I snapped my head up just in time to see Lucius holding Potter up by the neck, his other arm pulling something out of the boy's side, an old dull short-sword. 

Shit. Potter was gasping for air, eyes wide at the pain. Lucius laughed shortly and hit the boy across the side of his head with the blood laden instrument. He let Potter fall to the floor and the boy curled up around his wound, still gasping for air. Lucius smirked and kicked Potter in the back, the force straitening him out. He seemed to like this reaction, and so kicked the boy again directly in his new gaping wound. Potter let out another scream of anguish, this seemed to excite Lucius, there was a glint in his eyes as he picked up and threw Potter several feet away. As he approached, a cat-o-nine tails appeared in his hand. Lucius' favourite. Custom made its tails were actually thin metal chains with perpendicular spikes at the end to dig into and rip up the victim's flesh. He approached the whimpering boy slowly and then circled him, a hawk stalking its prey. He kicked the curled boy in the back, once more causing him to straighten and a cry of pain to tear out of the boy's throat. Lucius snapped his fingers and cuffs suddenly pinned the boy's arms and legs to the floor. Satisfied with his prey, Lucius dove down with his whip. Blood flew all over the white space and stained the floor as wails of agony escaped the boy's very being. I had to cover my mouth and turn away as I was hit by a wave of nausea at the sight of the gore. My knees buckled and I slid to the ground, breathing deeply I struggled to regain composure and ignore the screams coming from a boy only a meter away that no one could help. The room began to fade, I knew Potter was loosing the battle for consciousness, but some battles are better lost then won. 

At least he won't feel the rest of what Lucius will do, not until he wakes… Unless he doesn't-

"Vigilo!" The room returned to full brightness, evidently Lucius wasn't finished with his prey. I turned to see the manacles flicker out of existence as an energized and numbed Potter jumped to his feet and started to run. Lucius just stood where he was, laughing. Before the boy had gone five meters I heard wild barking. I looked back at Lucius and saw he was holding two mad Dobermans by the collar and smiling maliciously. He let them go and laughed even harder as Potter ran a fast as he could, running for his life. Potter never had a chance, he hadn't eaten in days, maybe weeks, and Lucius' spell wouldn't last long. The Dobermans were right behind him in a second, biting at his heels. The boy put out a final burst of speed as adrenaline pulsed through him. It wasn't enough. One of the dogs caught the boy's ankle between its dagger-like fangs. He tried to twist to keep his balance but fell on his back as the drooling dogs jumped up on him and began biting his chest and clawing at his abdomen, blood began pooling around the struggling boy. Potter screamed and screamed as Lucius just laughed until finally the merciful blackness ended the screams, but not the laughter, 

never the laughter.

"Harry?" A muted feminine voice was calling to the boy, the room was sill just coming out of darkness. "Harry, come on, wake up! Please, Harry, you must hurry!" The room was now bright again, but very out of focus. I could make out two figures, one kneeling on the floor, and the other lying down with their head in the other's lap. I assumed the later was Potter but I couldn't tell who the other was. 

"Un… wha" Potter tried to get up out of the other's lap but yelped in pain after moving a centimeter and fell back into the other, breathing deeply. 

"Shh, don't move Harry. Here." There was a mumbled word and then the world became clear so suddenly it stung my eyes.

"He-Hermione?" Potter asked weakly, his glasses now repaired and on his face. In response Granger just nodded and stroked the boy's bloody cheek. I could see Potter's pained face loose much of its sharpness as she comforted him. Gently then, for the first time, the blackness came again.

"Wait! No, Harry! You must stay awake! Come on, open your eyes, just open your eyes." He complied slowly opening his eyes half way. "That's right, Harry, just stay awake, okay? Here, it's water, drink, okay Harry? Here." She tipped the glass that she had conjured into his languidly opened mouth. He sputtered at first but then drank fervently as Granger watched, chewing her lip, obviously fretting about Potter's condition. I was doing the same; the once pristine robe was in tatters, the only bits left hung around his hips, it was hard to distinguish blood from skin on his torso, if indeed there was any skin left, his arms, legs and face weren't as bad, there were gashes and large bruises all over them and they would have been ghastly had I not been comparing the two. It wasn't a pleasant sight; I didn't want to think what kind of feeling it was. 

"Harry- can you- I mean- do you think- if I helped you- would you be able to stand up?" She sounded quite worried at the very thought of moving Potter. He was waif thin and very pale, besides being covered in his own blood. He gave her a small smile,

"I can always try." She nodded back encouragingly and slid herself out from under the boy; he winced as she lowered him to the ground. 

"I'm going to start by helping you sit, alright?" He nodded slightly and she supported him by the shoulders as he sat up. Potter closed his eyes and put a hand to forehead as the world started to spin. 

"Harry?"

"Dizzy." She nodded and brought him back down slowly, thankfully the word steadied shortly.

"Do you mind if I transport you, Harry?" He shook his head. "Mobilicorpus." She stood, the boy floating at her waist. "We've really got to go, Malfoy will be here any minute."

Shit.

"Unfortunately, your calculations seem to be a bit off." Lucius' leering voice came from behind Granger making her face loose all colour. He chuckled, "crucio."

"I'm so sorry." Potter breathed to Granger as they both fell to the ground, one lamenting the other writhing, both in pain. 

Lucius ended the curse promptly and looked down to the children on the floor.

"You weren't planning on going anywhere were you? It's impolite to leave without saying good-bye. But then so is breaking and entering. Well, since you obviously weren't educated in manners as children, I'll just have to do that for you now then." He sighed wistfully. "It's been far too long since I've heard a girl beg, this shall be most enjoyable" he smirked, "for me that is. Crucio." Granger reacted the same way as previously, she writhed and screeched in pain. As I watched, I couldn't help but notice the difference between her screech and Potter's scream, firstly the intensity was much different, I could tell Lucius was going easy on her, but why? I never knew him as one to induce less then maximum pain. Secondly, she didn't sound desperate or shocked by the pain; it was as if she were expecting it. 

Curious. I looked over to Potter to see if he had noticed anything as I had. He had not. He was obviously more preoccupied with the fact that his friend was in pain, not caring about the specifics. He was on his back with his head tilted towards the girl, an intense look of guilt on his face, his hand reached out to her but he didn't touch her as if afraid to cause more pain. So he lay there, longing to comfort her, and she lay there, the curse over, longing to lean into his touch, but neither did. 

"Oh how I've missed that sound." Lucius sighed happily, "I really should let you recover before I treat myself again, shouldn't I?" He asked Granger lazily as he crouched beside her, running his finger along the edge of her face. "But I never was a patient one. Cru-"

"Please!" She shrieked, grabbing the front of Lucius' pant leg. "Please, no! I'll do anything just, please not again. Please!" He stood quickly, wrenching his pants from her hold as if she were contaminating them, then said with a sneer,

"Anything hmm? Well, you are a clever girl, perhaps I could find a use for you…I am willing to purge you of your sins against me, if you pledge allegiance towards me. So, what do you say, child?" 

"Never!" She spat at him, then on his shoes and repeated more firmly, "never." 

"Oh? What a shame." He smiled at his own _witty_ sarcasm, "Crucio." She screeched again, at this point I longed for my own quiet dungeons. The curse ended after a very brief period, but the girl was still gasping between her words,

"I … am … yours." She passed out and Lucius smiled at his victory. Potter bridged the gap between the two friends and finally clasped his hand around a bit of her cloak, but it was too late. 

"Mobilicorpus." Granger floated behind Lucius as he left the room, the boy's already weak grasp broken.

I never suspected Granger to be the type to switch sides so quickly, but I suppose she saw the futileness of fighting a losing battle. She had a perceptiveness that Potter lacked, why he hadn't joined Lucius yet I don't know. I've always believed that people only have the morals the can afford, but why was Potter holding out? How could he still be fighting for these principles after all that pain? Torture works. I know it does, it's been proven. I've proven it. Everyone concedes sooner or later with enough force. Why is it taking Lucius so long? Potter couldn't just be holding out because of his beliefs, there must be something more. I looked over to Potter, hoping to get a glimpse into his psyche. His face was blank as he stared straight forward at the spot were he had touched his friend. I didn't know what he was thinking, and wasn't pretentious enough to try to guess. In the span of only a few days both his best friends had betrayed him and he blamed himself, I would never be able to understand how he was feeling. I wondered if he had gone mad, it was quite likely and I started accepting it as fact before remembering that this was all in the past, surely I would've noticed if he were mad in the present. I was uneasy about the amount of uncertainty this thought brought, so I cast it aside and I watched him. For hours I watched, and for hours he stared, unmoving until sleep claimed him and the room disappeared. 

The comforting blackness was suddenly bathed in white as Potter woke yelping in pain from a nasty kick to his shoulder. Lucius was standing above him, a smug grin on his face.

"Oh, sorry Harry, did I wake you?" The boy just glared at him feebly. "Are you not speaking to me now? I said I was sorry, Harry. It's not good to hold grudges, forgive and forget, you know." Potter looked like he wanted to yell and scream at the man, but when he opened his mouth all that came out was a weak and hoarse,

"bastard." Malfoy's grin broadened. 

"Harry, that's not very polite now is it. Crucio." Damn that scream. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. A cold sweat came over me and I sank to my knees. I had heard worse, I usually could handle this level, but after seeing all that I had, it compounded and it was too much. Too much pain, misery, guilt, fear, hatred, desperation.

"Too much, Harry?" I got back up shakily as he ended the curse. "Well maybe it's for the best anyway. I am very busy today!" There was an excited glint in Lucius' eyes that was very disconcerting. Potter didn't notice it; he was lying flat on his back eyes squeezed shut against the lingering pain. "Would you like to know _what_ I'm doing today, Harry?" He asked leaning over. The boy didn't respond.

Never ignore a Malfoy, Potter. Never. Sure enough, Lucius' grin faded and a nine iron appeared in his right hand. 

"Never disregard me!" Potter's eyes flashed open just in time to see the heavy pole being smashed into his rib cage. From what I could tell at least two of his ribs were now broken, the bones were visible since his skin had not yet healed. The boy shouted a pain filled protest, but Lucius just smiled.

"Would you like to know what I'm doing today, Harry?" This time the boy gasped in pain as Lucius leaned his weapon down on Potter's chest. "I'll take that as a yes." He smirked and began to pace. "Well you see, so far I've been waiting for your support to make my first move as Dark Lord. But I am growing very tired of waiting, so I decided that I don't really need you all that much. You'll be an asset once you join, no doubt, but I am a very powerful wizard and I know I can handle this on my own." Indeed? Potter was now following Lucius with his gaze, a look of dread on his face. "For my first attack I plan to take about 30 to 40 muggles captive and hold them for ransom. It's quite simple really, I have 10 Death Eaters willing to take part, which means three to four muggles per wizard; a very reasonable ratio. Once they are captured I will hold them ransom for the release of many of my old colleagues, if the Ministry of Magic doesn't comply I'll simply torture or kill them, depending on their status in muggle society." Potter was fuming, were it not for the fact that he was too weak to move, Lucius would surely be dead by now.

"It'll never work, you bastard!" the boy rasped. He was right, it mustn't have worked since I never heard about it.

"Never say never, Harry." Lucius smirked, kicking Potter again before leaving.

"No! Come back, damn it!" Potter yelled roughly, trying to get to his knees before falling not a second later. He swore at himself for being so weak, and glared determinedly at the now disappearing black archway. He pulled himself into a crawling position and started to drag himself to the spot where the archway once was. Almost immediately the world started to spin and the floor became a seesaw. Potter lowered his head to the ground and breathed deeply. I steadied myself in a crouching position and continued to watch the boy lugging himself determinedly. When he stopped, there was no indication that an archway was ever there. If I hadn't seen the glint of satisfaction in his eyes I would have thought he had given up, but wherever he was, it was where he wanted to be. Why he wanted to be there I wasn't sure but I knew I'd soon find out, exhausted from that little bit of movement, he fell asleep.

The boy woke up slowly, careful where he put his weight as he sat up. At first he seemed dazed as if he had just woken after a long night's rest, then as he recognized his surroundings his face turned hard with determination. He looked better then he had before, the blood and flesh was still showing through on his torso but he was less pale. He gathered himself up slowly into a crouching position perpendicular and a little behind his former spot. At first he winced with pain and the world started to spin, but he conquered both by resting his head in his left hand and closing his eyes. Soon after, the dark arch appeared to his right and Lucius walked in angrily muttering to himself, not noticing the boy in his preoccupation. Potter's eyes snapped open at the light tapping of his shoes and he waited with bated breath as Lucius walked further into the room. When the man was a meter in, Potter spun around through the arch with adrenaline-induced speed. I was pulled behind him as he found himself in a poorly lit corridor. I could hear Lucius from behind me shout as he perceived the boy's absence. I could hardly see Potter but I knew his movement since I was being pulled along not far behind. He was running fast, faster then I would have ever suspected a boy could in such a condition. It must have been survival instinct… and fear. Let's not forget fear. Lucius was already looked livid, I'm sure Potter's escape won't do much for his temper. If Potter gets caught- no he lived so he must make it out. I wonder what kind of dumb luck he'll have this time?

"Harry!" I could hear Lucius in pursuit, the corridor was getting lighter now, and I could see more of my surroundings. Potter was a few paces ahead of me, panting and looking around frantically at the walls for some sign of an exit or place to hide. The walls were quite bare for a Malfoy residence and surprisingly the place looked as if it hadn't been cleaned or even walked through in years. There were no doors anywhere in sight and no windows or hints of natural light, the floor was rough concrete and behind me I could hear the tapping of Lucius' shoes. I looked over my shoulder at him, he was mad as hell and approaching fast. If Potter kept up this speed, he might out run him, but where would he go? I doubted there would be any exit signs or ground floor windows he could escape through. 

'This should be interesting.' I wasn't worried at all about Potter's safety since I knew he would be escaping, after all I had to put up with him every day, I was quite certain he lived. All the while though, I could feel something nagging in the back of my brain.

Why is nothing ever certain? Potter was slowing down, the world was once again becoming unstable. Ahead of me I saw Potter staggering, behind me Lucius was on my heels. He passed me in an instant and pushed Potter to the ground, he cried out in pain as his raw flesh contacted the cold, coarse floor.

"Stupefy!"

"Ennervate!" The boy jerked back to life, once again we were in the white room. Lucius had caught him. 

This is not good. Not. Good. Potter seemed to share my opinion as he gazed up in horror at the hard eyes staring down at him. There was a long silence in which neither looked away or blinked. I was reminded of the first time they had had such a staring contest. Potter had won that time, but now after so much abuse I wondered if Lucius had broken the boy. Lucius blinked. 

Your pride will be the death of you, Potter. You should have let him win, he might have gone easier on you. But now- now you're in for it… Crap. I was right. Potter had hurt the one thing that Lucius cared for most, his pride. He would pay. Lucius' rage was evident not only on his face but in his posture, scent and sound; he oozed malevolence. 

"Power." He spat as he snapped his fingers causing restraints to appear on Potter's ankles, wrists, neck and hips, tying him to the ground. As Lucius walked over to the boy's feet an electric weed whacker flickered into his right hand and a sledgehammer and railroad spike appeared beside the boy. Without a pause he flicked on the muggle tool and brought the whirling blades down on Potter's shins. 

"No more running, Harry." Flesh went flying as shrill cries were torn from the boy struggling on the ground. I could feel the bile rising up in my throat as white bone was starting to appear through the blood, and Lucius moved on to the boy's thighs. My skin started to go cold and I was sure I would be sick. 

No one can live through something like this. How the hell is he still alive? Lucius was paying no mind to anything but the wounds he was inflicting. He was in a trance-like state, smiling and cackling at the blood and flesh surrounding him. He didn't even notice when the boy stopped crying and faded into merciful unconsciousness. 

'What? No. No more… I said no more, damn it!' My protests couldn't stop the world from growing clear and bright, couldn't stop me from seeing a battered boy lying not half a meter away from me. He was on his back, eyes glazed staring at the ceiling. He didn't seem to be conscious og it, but his right hand was fiddling with a piece of his own flesh. This was immensely disturbing, but I found it hard to concentrate on anything but the boy's legs. Evidently Lucius hadn't stopped after the boy lost consciousness, his legs, if you could call them that, were mutilated. Bone stuck out one place, huge deep gashes covered others. There was no untouched skin left.

No wonder he always wears pants, Poppy's good, but nobody's _that_ good. I found myself staring at him, sick fascination. A line from a muggle book came to mind suddenly,

'Like flies to wanton boys, we are to the gods… he is to Lucius. So is that it? Is it really all just about power?' I shook myself, 'no it's not. All gods aren't good. There are good gods and evil gods. Good people and evil people. Unfortunately for Potter, Lucius is of the evil variety… Speak of the devil.' Lucius strutted in, a smirk on his face; obviously he was in a better mood today, a very good thing indeed. He walked past the boy indifferently and snapped his fingers; in front of him a large cauldron appeared. I moved over closer and saw that the content was a bubbling dark green liquid. 

"Get up." Lucius ordered without even turning around. 

"Right." Potter scoffed feebly, balling his fists.

"I said get up! … Get up before I cast the cruciatus on you!"

"I. Can't. You broke my legs remember?" The boy's voice was weak, but resentment rang through it clearly. 

"Bacali Crus." Potter's legs became stiff as boards as he was pulled up by the waist into a standing position. He wasn't really putting any weight on his legs, he was just sort of hovering. He's so thin…has he eaten anything since coming here? He must have, otherwise he would be dead, but- I've never seen him eat…strange.As soon as he was upright the world started to spin. "Come." Lucius motioned for Potter to come stand next to him by the cauldron. The boy looked hesitant but slowly he started to float staggeringly forwards. "This, Harry, is Ashphodel, Octopus ink and Unicorn blood." All this time Lucius seemed mesmerized by the liquid, never looking away, however when Potter started to faint he took notice and sighed in frustrated. "This is my favourite device Harry and you're ruining the experience!" He took out his wand and muttered a spell at Potter, "Roborare." He began hovering once again and the world stopped spinning. 

"Now let's continue, shall we? Do you know what this does?" His attention was back on the potion and he didn't wait for a response. "The brewer decides a target, when this selected target makes contact with the liquid it will take five seconds for it to heat to the exact melting point of the target. In this case, the target is your skin." Potter started to back away, clearly not intending to be anywhere near the potion. "You're not interested? Well maybe with some persuasion," Potter looked terrified as Lucius pulled out a wand. But that's not- that's Potter's wand! I could see desire burning in the boy's eyes as he recognized his wand. Lucius just chuckled and held it over the cauldron. 

"No!"

"Happy fishing." He dropped it in. Potter lunged at the cauldron, intent on plunging his arms into the liquid for his wand. Once his hands toughed the liquid, though, he immediately pulled out of the liquid yelping in pain form the heat. 

"5" Lucius counted down as Potter once again lunged into the burning liquid, screeching, but keeping that determined look on his face. 

"4" Between shouts of pain I could see something resembling concentration pass over the boy's face. I leaned in, curious, and saw the corner of his mouth mumble something like evanesco, the invisibility charm. Did he actually get his wand?

"3" Potter tore his severely red arms out of the cauldron. I watched his hands closely for any clues as to what he was doing. It was a good thing Lucius was never that observant because I noticed right away that he was holding something in each hand. Whatever was in his right he dropped right away, but his left stayed clenched around something. Smart boy, don't let the enemy know you have the advantage. But you only have that advantage for 2 more seconds. Best hurry whatever you're planning.

"2" Potter surprised me by returning to the cauldron and looking down momentarily at the contents. In his face flickered fear and dread, but most prominent was determination. He let out a mighty yell as he once again thrust his hands into the boiling fluid. Why? 

"1" That same concentration showed on his face before he tried to conceal satisfaction as he ripped his raw arms from the pot for the last time, falling to the ground panting, swearing and contorting his face in agony. 

"Couldn't find it Potter?" Lucius chuckled, smiling proudly at his hissing cauldron. I leaned close to the boy's face in order to try and decipher any little piece of emotion that could hint at what had just happened, but all I saw was pain. A more evident answer came from Lucius as he waved his hand over his beloved pot and the boy's wand floated out, steaming. No! I was so sure- no, he had it! I saw the satisfaction! But he must have been so close!

"Well you don't get first prize, Harry, but how about a consolation." Lucius snapped his fingers and a glass of water appeared where the cauldron once had. "Well, Harry, I'm a busy man you know, so I'll see you later, batter luck next time!" He was gone. Potter craned his neck to look at the glass, desire fighting with ever-constant pain. Lucius, you bastard. You knew his hands were to raw to hold the damn glass! Damn it! As if you hadn't already taken enough away! Now you leave this taunting reminder of his rotten situation. The glass of water, a normal life, he can see it, he can taste it, he could take it, but he wouldn't be able to hold on to it, he'd just drop it and it would shatter. So instead he has to watch it disappear before his eyes, unable to do anything. Bloody hell, as if he didn't have enough to be depressed about… We both watched the water evaporate for hours until the boy fell asleep.

When Potter awoke, he didn't move at first. I could tell something was going on through his mind, some plan was being cross examined and scrutinized. He lay pensive for several minutes before a half smile appeared on his weary, sunken face. Let's hope this plan is better then your last one, the one that brought you here.

"Here goes nothing." He breathed as he closed his eyes and concentrated. Watching him I realized just how true that statement was. He really has nothing left, doesn't he? The Weasleys are scattered across the world, his father's best friend has been driven out for being a werewolf, his only friends are now his enemies and his godfather is dead. Who's left from his old life? Poppy, Flitwick … and I. So that's why he was so intent on being my apprentice, he was clinging to the past, his old life of innocence and youth. It's not right to live in the past though, Harry taught me that and I owe it to him to return the favour.

"Appareo." Potter commanded. He was now sitting with his arm outstretched in deep concentration. To my left I saw something brown flicker. His wand! But how did he know he could do wandless magic? The boy smiled tiredly and dragged himself by the arms over to pick it up. So what was does Lucius have then? I remembered that Potter was holding something the last time he endured the heat. Did Potter have enough power to transfigure something into his wand well enough to fool Lucius? I suppose he must have, then that means- I smiled, congratulations, Harry, you've beat him. Potter was just tucking his wand beneath a fold of thread-bare robe. There was barely enough of the rag left to conceal the wand, but luckily Potter managed it as a dark arch appeared beside him. 

"Bacali Crus. Come here." Lucius walked swiftly into the room, when he was a few paces in he stopped. Potter wiped any emotion from his face, instead showing fear and pain, until he was right next to Lucius.

"Don't move or I swear I'll fucking blow your head off!" Potter whipped out his wand and yelled angrily at a very surprised Lucius, whom he was holding at wand point. The surprise quickly faded into calm though. 

"Running away from your problems, Harry?"

"You have no right, you bastard! Now shut the fuck up!" Potter was fuming, and he had every right to be, I just hope it doesn't cloud your judgment. Lucius, on the other hand, didn't seemed disturbed at all.

"You'll never succeed you know, Harry, even if you do make it out of here alive. You see I have a little secret to share with you." My ears perked up. "This room is enchanted two fold. The first is an enchantment that keeps you alive, this room supplies directly to your body enough water and nutrients so that you don't die of starvation, suffer yes, die no. The second enchantment is quite ingenious… let me explain. Whatever happens to you, both internally and externally, in this room is sort of- recorded, and whenever I choose, I can make you relive it all, all the pain, fear and misery. There are no spells, potions, charms or anything that can prevent or stop the _reliving_. Do you understand? Even if you are on the other side of the world, all it takes from me is a simple incantation to make you suffer. You may not be physically injured by the reliving, but the pain will be quite real." No. He's had to relive all of _this_! Why didn't he tell anyone? I can't believe he's had to endure this torture more then once! How often has it occurred in the past, why didn't I notice? Does his potion prevent these _relivings_, or does it just stop the pain? Questions ran through my mind a mile a minute, Potter on the other hand seemed quite calm.

"Fortunately for me, dead people can't incant."

"Ha. Don't fool yourself Harry, you're too weak to kill me." I had to agree, Potter looked like the living dead, tiny bits of pallid skin standing out starkly against red blood.

"Never underestimate your enemies, Malfoy! You made my life hell now I'm going to send you there!" He took a deep breath, "Avada Kedavra!" Lucius fell to the ground dead. Potter looked shocked before throwing himself through the almost-disappeared arch and passing out on the hallway floor a bloody, broken mess. 

"Exeunt." I reemerged from the pensieve shakily, my mind mulling over everything I had seen. The tortures that Potter had endured were so horrible that I felt extremely nauseous, and I only has to watch. How is he living now, having been through that? How can you, Harry? If this is too much for me- you were just a boy! No, I was wrong, you were never a boy. No boy could live through that, let alone stay sane. Once again the matter of Potter's sanity brought on a wave of uncertainty. How could one stay sane through all that? Even someone as strong as Harry… he was tortured emotionally, physically, mentally; a life time of pain in less then a month…As I finally grasped the immense scope of what Potter had gone through, a deep sorrow overcame me and I sank to the floor, my head wrapped in my hands. 

"Never fair."

A.N.1: DOOOOONE!!! That chap is sooooo long, 13,324 words!!! Eep! I wish I could have broken it up … *blinks* I suppose I could have quite easily. Why didn't I think of that before? Arg! …damn. Oh well, it's done and even though I'm thoroughly unhappy with the end, I'm posting it anyway cause it's been forever since my last post! So sorry for the wait, but you can see why it took so long! 

A.N.2: Yes I am evil, but don't say I didn't warn you! 

A.N.3: Lamo excuses for the problems with this chap:

1. Lucius is probably not in character because I don't really know/ remember much about him! Sorry if any of you are LM fans and were disappointed!

2. Too evil? No such thing! But if you want to blame something… *looks around for something to blame* … blame them! *points to Mathew Good Band*

3. Long wait: It would have been out sooner, but last Monday (which I had previously planned to devote to this fic) I was majorly sick! Damn food poisoning. : P

4. The detachedness of Snape: I didn't like the pensieve format, I don't think it liked me. I was going to kill myself, having to repeat "fades to black" over and over again! I was really looking forward to writing this chap, but the pensieve format makes everyone so detached :P oh well, maybe I'll try again sometime with a more involved role for Snape… *evil grin*

5. Unrealisticalness of torture: Well I'm happy to say I've never been through the tortures that I put Harry through, so I don't know much about them. If you have been through them please feel free to correct me in your review and then promptly go see a psychiatrist.

6. F-ed up ANs: I'M SO TIRED OF WRITING!!!I need to take a nice short vacation… a day maybe without writing? Wait, noooo!!! I still have homework I haven't done! *sob* stupid responses. : P

One more thing, why does Voldie call Peter Pettigrew Wormtail? Wasn't that his marauder nickname? Is it so people don't find out that Pettigrew is really alive? 

Okay there is more I could and probably should say, but I really have to get this up so I'll say it in the next chap ^_^

In case you were wondering about any of those spells that didn't sound familiar, I made 'em up using my little Latin-English dictionary! Yay! They are pretty crude and I know in the books the spells aren't exact Latin phrases, but this way it's simple for you to ascertain their meanings.

Fulminare: To strike with lightning

Perdo Lunea: Moonlight blast

Gladius Aspergo: sword spray

Manus Fragor: Hand explosion

Vigilo: to keep awake

Bacali Crus: crutches/ sticks/ staffs, leg (crude and lazy on my part, I know, but it does the job)

Evanesco: to disappear or vanish

Roborare: to strengthen

Appareo: to become visible

There it is! Happy Wink At J00? ^_^ I hope so! I got it up minutes before ff.net went down…but you didn't! *gasp* Oh no! that means the earliest I'll be able to read you next chap is tonight! 

Thanks for Reviewing!:

RoseFairy: Thanks! I'm not sure about the transitions in this chap, but I think they're easier to follow, though they lack smoothness *shrug* oh well, you can't have it all ^^

Zardiphillian Beryllix: I'm glad ^^ and thank you very much for pointing that out! Hope the work better, what do you think?

Pinkmoon: Here ya go, as ordered! ^^

LegacyLady: Well thank you very much, that means a lot *grin* and I hope I can follow through on all those hints *smile*.

Saavik: *smiles at the thought of people _bowing_ to her* Glad you liked it! I hope to and probably will put another Harry-Sev mental chat in there somewhere ^^ I love 'em too! *grin*

Cheshire: Eep! Don't kill my fic! Please? It's just I think some of these reviewers might kill you, lol. I'm glad you love it and I'll try to make it 6 chapters soon!

Spongebob: "I go! I go! See how I go!" (lol, Puck from A Midsummer Night's Dream)

Mistress Cresacre: Yay, I'm so glad! All your questions will be answered soon… I hope -_-() Here ya go! *points to chapter*

iluvbadboys1313: Yup! The old geezer's dead! He'd be pushing up daisies if he weren't nailed to the perch! (sorry, little Monty Python humour, couldn't help myself ^^) anyway, remember that _terminal_ illness, I know, I know, sneaky but hey, why not? "baffling thing"? *scratches head* I don't know… but if you want to ask again with more detail maybe I'll be able to remember something from my own story *hits head* -_-() anyway, thanks for reviewing!

Prophetess Of Hearts: *blink* *blink* … wow. You looked quite deep, eh? You sure you're not Poirot in disguise? That's amazing! I knew I was leaving hints but I didn't think anyone would really get to the bottom of them! You looked deeper into the Lupin thing then even I did! Can't promise anything, but you're right that there should be something there… hmm, we'll see what I can come up with! 

Wink At J00: *Smiles really really really widely* THANKS!! Ehhehehe!! We're both cool! Yay! Lol! That's so cool! You say 'oh Merlin'! cool! I'm gonna do that at school! My friends will be scared, but it'll be worth it to see the looks on their faces! Yippee! YAY! That was the most enthusiastic review for this chap! You get a cookie! *hands Wink At J00 a yummy chocolat chip cookie* *vbg* Thaks!!

(by the way, I think your To Begin is going really well so far *grin* but you REALLY need to post MORE!! He he!)

Deity: Thanks! Glad you love it! Hope you like what happened next! 

Please Review!!


	6. A Pledge Made

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter-verse, even the apprenticeship thing isn't mine; I first read it in The Sorcerer's Apprentice by Jacquez. The story is really good, so I strongly suggest you go read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=687280

Just in case you get any ideas, this is NOT a slash fic in anyway, nor will any slash be making a guest appearance in this fic, all relationships are purely non romantic or sexual. (Not that I hate slash, I just don't like writing it ^ ^)

A.N. Okay, this is a really **really** **really** short chapter, it's so short I'm ashamed, but it just felt like the right place to leave it, and I couldn't bring myself to trivialize what Sev says at the end (re-read it a couple of times, it has several meanings ^^) by adding more. (That's why all the ANs are at the beginning.) Think of it as a- er… transition chapter! Yeah that's it! A trasition chapter! ……… Don't worry, the next chap will be longer and will be out hopefully by Wednesday, since I start school Thursday. Once school starts though, I will be really really busy (I always am with school) so I will try my best to update frequently, but unfortunately I can almost guarantee you it will be much slower from then on, this doesn't mean I won't try though ^ ^ Any way, hope you enjoy, and I'd really appreciate any reviews *smiles* My birthday is the 26th and the best birthday gift would be a review (since I already got a Slythrin scarf)! 

Okay, I feel bad even acknowledging this as a chapter, and making the AN section longer then the actual fic is just horrible, but I just have to thank you guys because your reviews are so nice!

Saddarkeyes: Your review was almost as long as this chapter! It's the longest review I've ever gotten! Thanks! I'm glad you're happy (I am too now that To Begin has been updated- that reminds me, in my review I said I liked your other fic, but I could remember the title… I still can't… it's the one by this account ^^)! Wow! I'm soooo (Os go on forever) flattered! Thank you! And yeah, it was pretty coarse… but that's why I loved it when this story came through my mind! That part was the reason I decided to start this fic ^^ Harry's secret? Soon, all in due time *evil grin* although… it's not that big a secret *shrugs* oh well. Hope you like it!

(by the way, are you related to Steven Irwin? Lol, you must be on some level, you're so enthusiastic! (it's a complement ^^))

Sherlock 2k: I'll take that as a complement? Anyway, hope this meets your expectations (though it's not really a chap, just a chapette *is disgusted with the length of chapter and the use of the word "chapette"*)

Saavik: Thanks, It was my pleasure! Unfortunately you will just have to wait and see… *grins evilly*

LegacyLady: Well I'm glad you liked it! *blushes* Really? Squirming? I'm so flattered! I'll keep writing as long as you keep reading ^^ … and reviewing 

Reaper: I'm glad you loved it! My brain is also quite twisted as you can see ^^ it is certainly fun to be evil *sighs wistfully* I'm glad you though it was creative, that was one of my main priorities in his torture! Thanks! A kitten, eh? Good idea! But… we'll have to wait and see how friendly they are by Harry's birthday… I'm also hesitant because knowing me, I'd probably have the poor little thing get killed … or make Harry kill it … hmm- interesting… maybe it's safer not to have any living things in my story -_-()

Izean: Thanks! How did Hermione get in? a very good question… *smiles evilly*

JaimeyKay: Thanks! True I can write long chapters, but that doesn't mean I do *sigh* (proof is this chap). You put me on your favourites list! Wow! That's soo cool! Thanks! I agree, working on compus can be very much like drowning *is pensive* I'm glad you liked the Hermione-going-over-to-Malfoy scene ^ ^ And I hope you like the rest of my fic! 

Now I won't take up anymore of your time, go read be merry!

Recap:

Severus' thoughts: …

Harry's voice in Severus' head: ~…~

Albus' voice in Severus' head: =…= (new)

Chapter 6: A Pledge Made

I didn't want to get up. I wanted to stay sitting on the cold stone floor forever. I was in a blissful stupor. All I thought about was how smooth and cold the stone walls were against my cheek. The world out side did not exist, nothing existed beyond a four-foot radius. There was only cold stone, that was all there ever was and ever will be. As such, I didn't have to face anything, not the past, present or future. I could just sit and pretend none of it had ever happened, that none of it would ever happen. 

=But it will.= 

No, it won't, Albus. It doesn't exist so it can't. 

=But it does... Even the cold stone was once alive with heat.= 

What does the past matter if the future will not change. 

=The future can always change… it isn't set in stone.= I could hear the twinkle in the man's voice, and suddenly the world came crashing through my barrier. 

Albus! Why did you have to leave me? How could you? Just when peace was finally restored, and I could finally live my life as I chose, you denied me my choice! You were the only one to never judged me, you were the first and last. You were all I ever had. 

=I know, Severus, I know. But I had to go. It was my time...= 

I miss you, Albus… I need you. Merlin, I'm so lonely without you. I have no one left now. 

=Ah, but you do Severus…although, he is in need of some assistance.= 

…Harry? Albus, he hates me, he's always hated me. He's just like the rest, he judged me the first time he laid eyes on me. 

=Are you so sure? Who judged whom Severus? Did you not have preconceptions because of his parentage?= 

… 

=Give him a chance, Severus. He too believes he has no one left. Help him in his time of need, and you will gain a friend who will stick by you no matter what.= 

I don't know how to help him, Albus. What he's been through… I-I don't know what to do. 

=Help him deal with it. He must. If he doesn't then someday it will break him, and from that he will never recover. You must help him.= 

But _how_? I received no response, he was gone. Damn it, Albus. Why do you always leave me? I was lonelier then than I had been in a very long time. The stone against my cheek no longer felt smooth and cold, but flat and biting. My simple world was pulled away, and I felt silly trying to hide from real life. I pulled my cold cheek away from the wall and placed my hand over it. The warmth burned at first, but then it only tingled softly, a very pleasant sensation. Slowly, I rose to my feet and left the room. I walked over to my study and picked up Harry's journal before heading to the hospital wing. 

It was very early in the morning I hesitated, my hand hovering by the curtains around Harry before reminding myself that he had been healed, I wouldn't be seeing the bloody mess I had just hours ago. Pushing the curtains aside gently, I walked to his bed and sat down in the chair beside it. Not ready to start what would most definitely be one of the hardest conversations of my life, I watched him. 

I wondered how I could have over looked the lines and shadows on Harry's face that spoke of a tortured life. They were so conspicuous, a physical sign he was crying for help. His skin was still too pale and almost sallow, just like the experience, he had never dealt with that. I will bring him under the sun.


	7. Eyes Opening

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter-verse, even the apprenticeship thing isn't mine; I first read it in The Sorcerer's Apprentice by Jacquez. The story is really good, so I strongly suggest you go read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=687280

Chapter 7: Eyes Opening

All right, I have to start, I don't want Poppy around for this and I'm sure this won't be a short conversation… nor will it be easy. I took a deep breath, and wondered how best to wake him. I could call to him, but watching him lie there in a potion-induced sleep… he finally looked at peace, I couldn't bring myself to wake him so callously. I stretched out my arm and touched my hand to his, gently applying pressure. I saw life trickle back into Harry's face, and soon his expression turned to guilt and sadness. He spoke without opening his eyes, though his weak voice was laden with emotion.

"I'm sorry." Sorry? Why was he sorry? Was it for making me see his memories? Or taking up so much of my time? Only one way to find out. 

"For what?" My voice was the softest I'd heard it in years.

"For being selfish, for not warning you about… Forget it, I'm just… sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" I pressed gently.

"It doesn't matter." He shook his head resignedly, still never opening his eyes. If he didn't face his past, I'll never get any answers.

"Yes it does. You have to face this Harry, you have to deal with it." I noticed slight surprise cross his face, but his eyes stayed closed.

"Harry?" he asked confused.

"I- oh." Did I just call him Harry? How long have I been doing that? "It isn't right for two people who have confided in each other to stay on such a formal basis, as such you may refer to me as Severus." There is more to it then that, but… wait a second, did I just allow him to call me Severus? Yes, there is definitely more to this then rules of confidence. "Nor is it right to pretend the past has never happened. You must face it Harry, otherwise it will end up breaking you… and from that you will never recover." 

"It doesn't do to dwell in the past, what does the past matter? It is the future that must be won, not the past." His voice was mellow and sad.

"The war will be won by knowledge of the past."

"No, the war will never be won nor lost. War is eternal."

"…Knowledge from the past." 

"What good is knowledge from the past if it makes you hate the future?"

"What good is hating the future if it will always come?"

"…The future can be stopped from coming." 

"But that is helping the enemy."

"The enemy no longer exists if there is no future to fight for." I had to mentally scream and yell at myself to keep from agreeing with him. He made me question the value of our lives, and I couldn't think of a single reason for either of us to look forward to the future. I had to come up with something though; I owed it to Albus… I owed it to Harry. I thought long and hard before responding.

"You must fight for the times of peace between battles. For you do not only fight for the future, but for the present yet to come."

"And if these times of peace are no less tortuous then times of battle?"

"Then your opponent has changed and the battle isn't over, peace has not yet come. This new battle is within yourself. You must _fight_ for happiness, because nothing comes freely."

"And if I lose?"

"You will not."

"How can you be sure?" I took a deep breath,

"Because you have an ally." I replaced my hand over his briefly and continued more sternly then previous. "Open your eyes." It was a long time before he answered me, in a shaky and uncertain manner.

"I- the curtains…" I glanced at them, white.

"You must confront the past, Harry. Fight for happiness. Open your eyes." He would have to deal with his past one step at a time, and this was an important first step, acknowledgment, at least on some level. The inner battle was evident across his face, but finally it appeared as though his Gryffindor bravery was coming into play. He opened his eyes, fear and panic quickly covered his face and his eyes strained against the ever increasing morning light. He was curling up both mentally and physically… he was losing. Shit. Fight it Harry! You must fight it! You're safe here, you're in Hogwarts, there's nothing to fear! Fight!

"You are safe here." did I just say that out loud? I meant to make him fight his first battle alone, shit, now he'll never trust himself to win a battle alone. Shit. Even though I hadn't wanted to, it seemed my encouragement gave him the edge and he needed, he began to relax. This was a good thing since I heard the sounds of Poppy beginning her day, it was time for me to go. 

"We will talk again soon, do not forget what was discussed today." I bid coldly before sweeping out of the hospital wing for breakfast.

After breakfast I returned to my chambers, pocketed another of Harry's vials for analysis and re-read the last page of Harry's journal. If Harry was experiencing these _relivings_, someone was invoking them and I doubted this would be the last time they did so. Harry's potion seemed to work, but from what Poppy told me of his condition, it did nothing for his health. Reviewing the ingredients, I could see why. What I couldn't see was why the potion did anything but harm, there must be more to it then what is here… In any case Harry wasn't clever enough to come up with something that would work without side effects, so I suppose I will have to do it for him. The first things I need are details.

So with a sigh I climbed back up the stairs to the infirmary. 

"Severus?" Poppy was obviously surprised to see me and didn't have the tact to hide it. 

"Yes, Poppy my name is Severus. I thought we had discerned that a long time ago, but I suppose as one gets older the mind does not function as well as it used to." I answered implicitly.

"What do you want?" She asked sternly.

"For you to retire, but unfortunately that is beyond my control." She glared at me. "Merlin, you think you could remember anything past an hour ago?" I handed her a piece of parchment, "That is what Potter was taking, what you asked me to find out for you, since you were… _incapable_ of doing it yourself."

"Humph." She grumbled and took the list, her brows furrowing as she read. She sighed and looked over in Harry's direction across the room. "But why Severus?"

"Why were you incapable of finding that information on your own? I honestly don't know." She rolled her eyes.

"Why did he voluntarily swallow such harmful substances?" 

"Are you the school psychiatrist?" It wasn't a question, "Then what business is it of yours? Just heal him so I can get back to work. He is falling seriously behind in my lesson plans." She looked up at me sharply and threw her clipboard down on a nearby bed in anger. 

"Is that all you care about?! He is going to be in poor health for the rest of his life and you're worried about his schooling?" I arched an eyebrow, she had not yet informed of the lasting effects of the potion. She realized this and sighed, shaking her head.

"Most of the toxins can be removed, though it will be gradual and even after being released he will need to continue taking certain potions and following certain procedures. The problem is that some of them can not be removed, nor can they be neutralized. Luckily these poisons are the less serious of the bunch and will only result in severe migraines and sporadic weakness, it could have been much worse."

"Is that what you're worried about? Please, he's been through much worse." This time it was her turn to raise an eyebrow, but I ignored her. "Well why are you just standing there? Do your job! Potter is missing out on valuable working time!" I barked, startling her into activeness. She bustled around her office, getting things ready for extracting the poisons. Meanwhile I slid over to Harry's bed and sat down beside it. He was awake, but indifferent about my presence. 

"I need to know some details about the relivings before I can help you with a new potion." I started very officially, wanting to get done before Poppy came over; Harry just nodded dumbly. Poppy probably had him on calming potions, which was good since most of hers worked as well as veritaserum. "How long have you been experiencing them?"

"They started a month and a half after I came back."

"How often?"

"Once every couple of months until May, they became more frequent then, every couple of weeks."

"I found your work journal, I know you have been doing research on the matter." I saw a faint look of shock, fear and anger pass over his face before being subdued completely by the calming potion. "It would help immensely if you told me what you know so I may have a better starting point."

"Other then what is in my journal, I know very little. Nothing in existence can prevent or stop them. The potion must be very strong. I focused mainly on numbing agents for the brain, but I haven't explored other approaches. I don't know if there are any." I heard Poppy coming over, so I nodded and turned to leave. 

"Wait." He called pleadingly, the calming potions must be fading, he sounded quite panicked.

"Yes?" I turned and walked back over to him.

"What if it… I don't want to have to…" I understood, and had anticipated this. 

"Do not tell Poppy, and do not drink it in her presence. Only use it if I have not come up with something better yet." With that I placed a vial of his potion in his hand discreetly as Poppy approached. We crossed paths a few meters from Harry's bed.

"When can I expect him in the dungeons?" I asked coldly.

"In a fortnight or so, but-" I swept away before she could finish her sentence, no doubt she was going to discourage any work on his part for months. We don't have time to waste, if Harry's relivings are increasing in frequency then who ever is casting them is growing stronger. That means a Dark Lord is rising, but who? It was the question that had been on my mind ever since I saw Harry cast the killing curse, but I would have to wait to pose it until Harry was ready to answer.

Hours slowly droned by as I read and re-read Harry's notes, comparing them with other books and my own knowledge. I was building up a veritable fortune of knowledge about numbing, isolating and dormancy inducing agents. Harry had used an extensive list of anesthetics to numb himself to both the pain and memories that the relivings induced. The problem had been, of course, that he was reckless and desperate, so did not think about the long-term effects of ingesting so many sensor-killing poisons so frequently. I was quite glad that Poppy could reverse the effects, Harry was dim enough as it was, I didn't fancy the idea of having a semi-brain-dead apprentice. I also researched isolating compounds and found them to be quite promising. They were not always potions, some were spells or charms, but they all had somewhat the same goal, to cut oneself off from all magic. While invoked or ingested Harry would not be able to perform magic, but also, any magic performed on him would ineffective. The problem was that none of these were very strong, or strong enough to combat a Dark Lord anyway. The last option that had come to mind, was simply to make it so Harry would be dead during the relivings, and revived afterwards. There were certain spells and potions that could invoke the illusion of death, but as I soon found out, only one would shut down the brain completely. This was called the vimort potion. This solution had many drawbacks, the two most prominent being the vimort potion was extremely hard to make and had many unpleasant side effects, and the fact that Harry would have to stay dead for weeks and would not be able to keep up with his work or my schedule. By the end of the first week I decided to use isolation techniques foremost, and use numbing for what wasn't blocked out. I finished writing out a preliminary plan precisely a week and a day after starting. Satisfied with my work and myself I rolled up the parchment and headed to bed. 

It was around 3 am when I heard what sounded like a door creaking closed followed by a light thump. Very irritated by having my sleep disturbed I jumped out of bed and marched into the main room of my living quarters.

"Who's there?" I demanded, glancing around the room suspiciously. In the low light of a dying fire the dark furniture cast long shadows over the hard wood floors. The titles of the books in the shelves that lined the wall opposite the entrance glimmered and my cluttered desk was all but lost to the darkness. The doors to the kitchen, storeroom and Harry's quarters were all firmly shut. The only section of the room that was completely obscure was the entrance. 

"Lumos." I muttered with a sigh, and walked over to the unconscious form sitting against the wall. "Harry." I nudged him with my foot to try and wake him, but he was fast asleep. With another sigh I bent down and picked him up. He was still lightweight and I had no trouble moving him to his bed. "Idiot." I muttered as I returned to my bed and fell back to sleep, he'll have hell to pay in the morning.

A.N.: Okay, it's pretty short, but not too bad… length wise. As far as story and emotion is concerned, not my best work. I think it's because I'm now in unchartered territory. For the previous chapters, I've had them mapped out since the beginning, but now it's all new and unplanned which means I might get a little lost and boring along the way. Now that this plot is winding down, a new one will be started soon and that one I have been planning for recently, the problem is the transition period. I need a little plot bunny, but I can't find any! So I ask you! Can you think of anything you might like to happen? Remember it has to be a mini plot- so it can only take up the bulk of preferably two chapters, but other then that, pretty much anything goes! … as long as it doesn't interfere with my next plot, but don't worry about that, just suggest anything ^ ^ the more suggestions I get the faster I'll be able to choose one, and get writing the next chap! So please review and suggest something, anything! Thank you so much in advance… cause I know you'll help me, right??? *grin*

Thanks for Reviewing!:

LegacyLady: I'm glad you appreciate my word selection! I always spend hours replacing and changing words, there are just so many with such subtle differences that I think it's a shame not to use the right one, plus I love it when a word has a double-entendre and foreshadows future events ^_^ Thanks!

Wink At J00: I just couldn't resist torturing Sev too! And there will certainly be more harry-torture to come! (you couldn't stop me from writing that if you tired ^^) School stats tomorrow! I can't wait to say to them, "Oh Merlin, fourth year is going to be like dueling with Death Eaters!" lol Thanks as always for the encouraging comments! ^_^

(Steve Irwin is the Crocodile Hunter, and refers to himself as Steevo, I love him!)

Izean: You want it, you got it! … soon. -_-() Thanks for reviewing!

Sasina: Thanks! Here you go!


	8. Blink

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter-verse so don't sue or my platypi will be after you, even the apprenticeship thing isn't mine; I first read it in The Sorcerer's Apprentice by Jacquez. The story is really good, so I strongly suggest you go read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=687280

Chapter 8: Blink

I got up later then usual that morning, and as I entered the main room I saw that breakfast had already been laid out for me by the house elves. I was halfway done when I noticed Harry's door creak open on my far left. He walked slowly to the table and hesitated before sitting across from me. I hadn't yet looked up or acknowledged him in any way, and he was obviously waiting for me to reprimand him. However, I had no intention to do so before finishing my meal, so he sat uncomfortably across from me, not looking at anything in particular. 

When I had eaten the last bit of egg off my plate and waved it away, I looked up at him and he met my gaze but I did not say a word, he would talk first. During the minutes of silence, I watched him and tried to judge his emotional state. The last time I had seen him he looked weary and dejected, but now- it was hard to say really. He looked… blank.

"Can you blame me?" He spoke suddenly with a surprising amount of casualness. I was surprised at the difference in tone between out last meeting and this. He sounded relaxed and he spoke almost jokingly. "It's not like you never tried to escape her." What's going on? How could he change so quickly? He's acting as if… as if it never happened. Damn, it's happened again. Shit! I waited too long to see him again. I should have known he would handle his past the same way again if given the chance. He's rebuilt his happy shell. Some of my surprise and disappointment must have shown through on my face. "What, you thought no one knew? Everyone did, it was common knowledge." I ignored his question and spoke coldly.

"She will notice your absence shortly." He checked his watch.

"Eighteen seconds."

"And what do you plan to do when she comes storming down?"

"Hide?" he suggested lightheartedly, I glared at him. "You mean you won't help me?" His phrase startled me, on the surface it was playful, but I heard underlying panic and desperation. His shell must not yet have been complete; I could hear him crying for help through a crack. It may have seemed to anyone not privy to his past that he just wanted help hiding from Poppy, but knowing what I knew, I could hear the double-entendre. He was being very subtle, I wasn't even sure he consciously decided on his words, or realized what he had said, so I returned subtlety. 

"I will not help you hide from your problems." I barked coldly, and then added less edgily, "however, you may confront her here." During my last word there was a loud knocking on the door.

"Severus! Severus, I know he's in there! He has to be in bed! He is not well enough to leave my care yet! He needs at least one more week bed rest! Severus! Open this door right now!" Harry rolled his eyes and walked over to the door. He sighed before opening it and leaning against the doorframe, casually blocking her entrance. This should be interesting. No one has ever been able to convince her to release a patient sooner then she would allow.

"Hullo-" He started lazily; from my vantage point I could she was surprised to see anyone open the door, let alone Harry. The shock didn't last long though.

"What are you doing out of bed? I told you expressly that you need rest for the poisons to come out properly! If not it will just take longer and be more taxing on you! Now get back up to the hospital wing this instant! I swear, you're as bad as Severus!" I couldn't see his facial expression as she motioned for him to leave with her, but I did see that he wasn't going anywhere. 

"Unfortunately I am obliged defy your wishes, even though I'm sure you know best, and that my freedom will not come without cost to both myself and your inventory. I don't like being cooped up and I can assure you that it would not be pleasant for you or me to have me in bed for another week. You took really great care of me and I thank you very much but respectfully decline your invitation." Smooth Harry, but not smooth enough. I smirked as I notice the shade of Poppy's face redden in anger as she opened her mouth to let out a tirade. Now this should be fun.

"I don't care what you think or know! Or the fact that you think you have a choice! You don't! You are my patient and you cannot be discharged until I say! You shouldn't even try, I've heard it all and you're no different! No, I take it back, you are different! It's even more important for you to stay in care the appropriate amount of time considering your past!" Uh oh. Poppy's hand flew to her mouth as the last words were finished, her face a combination of shock and regret. She had mentioned his past. Nobody had mentioned his past in just over a year, or so she thought. I nervously watched Harry, not sure of how he would respond, I noticed him stiffen, but it seemed he would not do anything else. I let out the breath I had been holding quietly, so his shell really isn't whole, good. He relaxed soon enough, but he had still acknowledged that the past happened, it was a start. There was a long pause before Harry spoke in a would-be relaxed voice.

"If I go back with you, you know I'll try to leave in any means possible, and I dare say making such a long trip down to the dungeons every night would be more exerting then if I were to stay simply stay here. If you allow me to do so I'll gladly take the required potions and I'm sure I can do most of the spells on myself that you did." arrogant as always It was hard to discern exactly what the tension was like between him and Poppy, but I assumed there must have been some, other wise she would not have looked so unsure and even a little scared. I quite enjoyed seeing the look on her face and seriously considered getting out a camera. 

"I- umm I-I suppose, um- yes, alright. I'll just er- I'll just go get the potions but you- you must uh- rest and I- I want Severus to do some of the spells, I'll- I'll talk to him later. So I'll just go." What the bloody hell? Did I just hear her stammer an agreement? She'd never! How did he? Why was she so scared? While she spoke she had been backing up slowly and as she finished she dashed away as quickly as she could with being conspicuous, of course failing miserably. Now _that_ was odd. Harry closed the door behind her and walked back to his room casually, eyes to the floor, although I noticed a stiffness to his strides. I stopped him after he passed my chair. Standing behind my seat I could not see his face, but did not change my posture to try to see it.

"What was that all about?" I felt him shrug as he was about to start walking again, but I wasn't convinced. "Don't insult my intelligence," I growled, "you know perfectly well what that was about and if you expect me to waste my time casting spells over you while you continue to act so childishly you are sorely mistaken. Why was she so scared?" There was a long pause in which he stood perfectly still, his conscious mind inwardly debating how much he knew and how much to admit to knowing. He was still trying to convince himself none of his past had ever happened, so he talked slowly and coldly, making sure every word was not incriminating.

"Once when I was in her care, I reacted badly to some… stimuli and the outcome was not pleasant for any of the parties involved."

"Was the stimuli the same in that instance as it was in this?" I asked calmly, determined to get an answer. There was another long pause before I heard him walk away towards his chambers. Why even bother, damn it? Why? What does it matter how he is as long as he acts the way should? Why should I care? Why should anyone?

=Because he is important to the fight, he must be stable if he is to beat the dark. He is also important to me, don't let me down Severus.=

Albus? … damn this! I leapt up from my chair, knocking it backwards in the process, and reached Harry in one long stride. I grabbed his shoulder and spun him around to face me, pinning him against the stone wall next to his door. I was angry, angry that he was making this so difficult, angry that Albus burdened me with this task and angry that I could hear voices in my head. Harry's head lifted up, and I saw his face. All my anger was swiftly dashed away as I looked at him. He was sad, tired, weary. There were dark circles under his eyes and his eyelids drooped over dull irises. He skin was pale and sagged; he was too tired to keep up his charade. He didn't even try to look well, he just let his painful emotions show plainly on his face. I faltered and drew back my hand slightly. He lowered his head, gripped the door handle and slipped inside his room. I stood for a moment with out moving, just staring at the spot where he had stood. What does this mean? He's fine one second and the next he's tortured. Is he not strong enough to build his shell once again? Does he lack strength physically or mentally? If he is too weak to withdraw himself again, will he be too weak to overcome this? Will I really be able to help? How can I? If I can't? I lowered my hand to my side dejectedly and looked longingly at the soft chairs by the fire. Resignedly, I walked to my comfort. Half way there I remembered and turned to look at the toppled chair. Lying on the floor it looked useless, no one would think to sit on it. It met its demise in my anger and haste but I could right it. All it would take is to lift and reposition it, however as easy as it sounded, it would be infinitely easier to just drop myself by the fire and let this all go away. I had never been afraid of hard work…until now. I slumped into the armchair and let myself stare blankly into the fire. Let it all go away.

Nothing……………… Snap. Wave. Voice.

"…up!" I blinked slowly as I recognized the end of something someone was saying to me, pulling me from my daze. It took a second for my brain to start processing this new information: the hand in from of my face, the person to my right, the voice drilling into my head. After I was brought back to the world my first thoughts were, bloody headache. After momentarily bringing my thumb and two fore-fingers to my forehead, I swatted at Poppy's hand which was still waving in front of my eyes.

"I know you're here you stupid woman, now what do you want." I snapped at her, causing her to grumble about the last time she posed me that question. "Tell me what it is and get out. Now." 

"Well excuse me for tending to my patient! Whom, by the way, should full well still be in the hospital wing, not that health matters to either of you. Honestly, Severus, I think you're having a bad influence on him, I really do. He didn't use to cause me this much trouble, he was fine to say until he was ready to leave, rest properly, but now- work, work, work! You seem to think yourselves too important to be ill, but I don't know how either of you expect to work if you're dead on your feet! If I had my say-"

"Nobody asked for your say, Poppy, least of all me. Now please tell me your business and go."

"No, I suppose you wouldn't care what a professional might have to say would you?" I rolled my eyes and waited for her to continue. "Well fine, I have other things to do with my time. These are for Harry, he knows what to do with them." she plopped four fist-sized, one large and two small bottles down on the table. "The only thing you need to do is point at him with your wand once a day and say _Activo Potio_, he will most likely be in immense pain for a few seconds afterwards, but inducing pain is probably something you're used to." I glared at her smug comment and growled very menacingly.

"Leave. Now. Or you may just find out how 'used to' it I am." I saw very slight fear cross her otherwise haughty expression as she bid farewell.

"If there is an emergency, use this," she gently placed a very small fragile-looking bottle down on the table, "good day." I sneered in response as she walked out, closing the door hard behind her. 

Now that the distraction was gone my eyes wandered over nervously to the numerous bottles on the table. Perhaps this time Poppy's over-protective antics were not so irrational. Ingesting so many potions is not a thing to be taken lightly. Harry knows this, why then did he insist to stay down here and do work, for he knew that that was what would greet him upon returning to me? I suppose the fear of experiencing another reliving without proper protection was motivation enough for him to… _come to my aid_? Idiot! He will be of no use to me if he is weak and will only get in the way if I must _care_ for him! What was the bloody fool thinking!

I jumped up from my seat and swiftly swept over to Harry's door. 

"Harry!" I called in a louder tone then I had used in a long time as I knocked and waited for a reply. When none came I knocked again… still no response. I sighed angrily and pushed the door open. The room was dimly lit by one candle in the corner opposite the door. My eyes adjusted quickly to the low light and I noticed Harry sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall. 

"Harry! When you came down, I was under the impression you had made a responsible decision! A few moments ago Poppy brought me eight bottles of potion for you. Have you completely forgotten everything I ever taught you in potions, or were you too thick to ever learn any of it? I suspect it was a bit of both so why don't I clarify- taking too many potions makes you weak. If you are weak you will not be able to do any substantial work, and thus just be in my way. What's worse is if you do try to do too much work and you get yourself hurt or something you will need someone to care for you, and as much as I love doing Poppy's job for her, you will just be a burden. As such I am sending you back to her. Get your things and go!" In the dim light I couldn't make out his face so I waited impatiently for his soft, pleading answer. 

"Please don't make me go."

"And why, prey tell, should I let you stay? Do you really think yourself so great that a little thing like eight potions won't make a dent in you? Are you still so arrogant?"

"No, it's just I…"

"Just what? Finish your sentences!"

"I- If I- When I'm in there…I'm too fine."

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" I stormed over to the bed and lifted his chin so he was looking at me. I could feel my anger slipping away once again as I took in his sorry state, now with some added fear. 

"Please calm down, Sir." He begged meekly, at the fear in his voice the rest of my anger was gone. I lowered my hand and stood straight. 

"Explain." I ordered, though my tone was significantly softer.

"When I'm in her care she doesn't let me do anything so I have energy. When I have extra energy my mind tries to- tries to block out certain things… It's hard to explain but, I- I'm not exactly in… control of my brain… it- I- I can feel myself being closed in, walls being built around me. Even if I try, some things I can't remember. But it gets worse then… It makes masks, I feel horrible but all I can do is smile. I can feel it killing all my emotions but happiness. Without something to compare it to, happiness is just as bad as sadness. I tried to break free form the walls but I couldn't- I couldn't fight my own mind. I was its prisoner and I was so…scared." Not in control of his own mind? That doesn't sound very good. By his description it seems as though the only way his mind can handle what happened to him is by locking it up, but he said he was trapped in his own mind, did he split into two people, his true self who was trapped by his old self? I don't understand, but if he goes back to Poppy he sounds convinced that his mind will trap him again, rebuild its walls. I can't imagine- being trapped by your own mind? How?

~Did you really think I'd be sane after my time away?~

But still, your mind is you, you are your mind, how can you be trapped by your mind if you are your mind?

~You assume the mind can't fragment. Part of me couldn't handle what had happened so it separated and took over. When it separated it really became separate, I couldn't control it, it was like… having someone else in your mind. This other person suppressed the rest of my mind, I was trapped.~

But how, I still don't understand?

~It's like- consider the voices in your head. Imagine you had one that was yourself, only twenty years ago, when you were a loyal Death Eater. Now imagine if this voice slowly took over, controlling your actions, but leaving your thoughts your own. You are conscious enough to know what is happening and what you are doing, but you can't do a thing about it… Like being cursed with Imperio but staying conscious.~

But in third year you, fought Imperio, why couldn't you fight this?

~Trying to fight my own mind was like trying to fight gravity, no matter what I always kept falling… until I landed, I experience a reliving.~

That jolted you out?

~Yes, it weakened the suppressor enough for me to be free. But as I gained strength it was trying to imprison me again, I couldn't let it. The only way to be free was to keep it from having enough energy, so I came down here and that is why you mustn't make me go back… please.~

"You may stay and you will do work." My eyes refocused as I addressed Harry. I thought I could make out a bit of surprise in his face, obviously I had been chatting with Harry's voice for a little too long to go unnoticed. Done with both conversations I walked to the door and before closing it heard a whispered 'thank you'. I was surprised to feel the muscle at corner of my lips flex into a half smile as I walked over to my chair and righted it. 

A.N.- hey! It's done! Yay! I'm soo sorry it took sooo long, but school is hard and homework is stupid : P especially when they give you so much that it takes up all your time! I wish I could say that the next chapter will come out sooner than this one did, but there really is no telling. On top of being busy I'm still sort of confused about where I'm going with this fic, I mean I know very vaguely where I will be in a few chaps but getting there is quite unthought of. (What is going to happen afterwards is still pretty rough too -_-()) What I'm trying to say is I'm sorry that the chaps will be slower now, but know that I will be doing my best ^ ^ 

Thanks for Reviewing!:

Deity: I'm glad ^^ but, again, sorry this didn't come out sooner

LegacyLady: Wow! Major Thank yous! ^^ I'm really glad you like the style, I worked hard on that ^_~ I really like your reviews! They always pick up on key elements and what I worked hardest on! Thank you very much!

Princess Kattera: Thanks! It's always so great to get new readers! It would be my pleasure to email you when I update ^^ 

Riverlady: Wow! Those are all really good ideas! … too bad it turned out I couldn't use any -_-() -- maybe I will be able to soon! I really hope so! You were the only person to give me suggestions so (dum dum duuuuum) you get a cookie! Hope you like this chap better! ^^

Saddarkeyes: Yeah! And some abso-bloody-lutely! He he! *is giddy* I haven't said anything yet… but we did watch the HP movie on the bus on a class trip! I nearly died! He he! It was so funny! I kept quoting scenes just before they happened! Everyone thought I was reeaally weird! It was so much fun ^^! ……. Hmm, you're very right, sev should help harry. I'll keep that in mind. … You're reviews always make me giddy! He he he *bounces of the walls* yay!!! I'm so glad you like my story ^^ and I'm sorry it took so long in coming! … (I don't know if you've updated recently, since I haven't read anything in an eternity [7 days] but if you haven't- GET TO WORK! *ehem* and if you have- yay! Can't wait to read it!… do you have anything new? Some of it in you profile thingee looked new, but I'm not sure, is it?)

Izean: I'm glad you love it and hope this chap is better! (though some how I don't think it will really be getting any better till the action picks up again in awhile.. oh well, you'll just have to wait ^^) 

Cheshire: I completely agree, white does blend nastily with white, it also get dirty so easily, lol … I'm glad you liked it! (I love the sev and harry fics too ^^ how can someone not?) Thanks!

Saavik: nope, no slash

Pink Moon: I glad.

Balizabeth: Wow, thanks, all in one go eh? Cool, are there any discrepancies you noticed? Please tell me if you did ^^ One of the best?? Wow! I mean really wow! There are so many good ones! Thanks! It even means more coming from you because in your review you really sounded like a person who didn't just like everything- which is why I'm glad you liked my fic! And, yup I try to keep Sev as sarcastic, witty and cutting as I can, but you'll have to forgive me if I don't live up to him- I don't think anyone could! I will definitely check out your fic, but you'll have to be patient, I haven't had enough time to read for just over seven days and there is a lot piled up! (I can't wait to get reading)

Any way, thank you all for reading, and please review! Something that takes you maybe five minutes inspires me to write for fifty! So if you want the next chap soon (as soon a I can anyway with all this bloody homework : P), please review! ^^


	9. False Start

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter-verse, even the apprenticeship thing isn't mine; I first read it in The Sorcerer's Apprentice by Jacquez. The story is really good, so I strongly suggest you go read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=687280

AN. Uhh… okay I guess I probably have some explaining to do ^^() … so I haven't updated in, what, a month? He he… uhh… yeah, about that, well see I was kinda busy, well okay really busy, umm, how to best explain in ten words or less? School sucks. Enough said.

Thanks for Reviewing!:

Wink At J00: Yeah! Being weird TOTALLY rocks! Why be normal if you can be weird? I mean come on! Weird is soo much more fun! ^^ I can't believe your brother deleted everything! That's horrible. Just horrible. Anyway, I'm so glad this fic makes you giddy, cause your reviews make me giddy!!! ^^ yay! Thank you soo much for all the praise it really gets me writing ^_~ Hope you like this chap, and really hope you write more soon! (even if I won't be -_-())

Riverlady: *Nods* I sgree, Snape is very cool… especially when he evil. *evil grin* Right okay, umm… this chap had more pomfrey unrealistic stuff. I'm really sorry, but I just don't know how to do her, but I needed her, BUT I won't be needing her anymore, so she probably won't turn up to much ^^ This a chap has bigger cliffie- Hope you don't die! ^^

LegacyLady: Wow, *blushes* thank you very much for that great review. It really inspired me to write more, so thank you. I hope you like this chap ^^

Prophetess Of Hearts: Good of you to pick up on that and develop it so much! You came up with some really cool ideas! Wow! Your review really got me thinking about all this voice stuff and splintered mentalities- I've got so many good ides now!!! Thanks so much!! It should be clearer after this chap, but it shouldn't be too clear, 'cause it's really not that clear to Snape himself! ^^ 

Them Girl: Thank you very much! That's one thing I really value, people need to have transition periods, they can't just become a new person over night. I'm so glad you liked how I'm doing it ^^ 

Izean: Thanks, hope you liked this! ^^

Butterfly: Thanks *grins* and yup, I will be updating only very slowly, sorry ^^ (can't say I didn't warn you about the flash back thing ^^) Glad you liked it!

Candledot: He he, nice summary ^^ and I'm glad you like it, hope you like this ^^

Okay, the loooooooooooong wait is finally over, proceed to read!

Chapter 9: False Start

It seems he doesn't remember lunch is served at one. Should I call him to eat, I wonder? Do I have to take care of him so? I'd really rather not, he is not a child anymore… but if he were to miss his meals, Poppy would have my neck. I suppose I'll start and if he doesn't show up soon, I'll call for him. Humph, I'd of thought he'd be able to at least keep track of when meals were served. I sat at the table full of food from the house-elves and started on my soup. Contrary to popular belief, the food wasn't ever that wonderful at Hogwarts, at least not in my opinion. It was alright, of course, but nothing ever spectacular. Since my bowl disappeared with a pop, I almost didn't hear the door open to my left. Harry walked slowly to the other end of the table and sat down across from me. I kept my eyes on my sandwich while he walked, and greeted him only after he hesitantly started the soup laid out for him. 

"Punctual as always, Harry." He kept his eyes on his bowl and didn't reply, continuing to slowly sip his soup. "I have spent the morning setting up my lab for an attempt at a potion which I believe will help you with the relivings." 

He replied without lifting his eyes.

"Nothing can do that… nothing can stop them." His voice was so resigned it hurt. He had no hope left. None. I was overcome with a strange sense of pity for the young man across from me. It was something I hadn't felt in many long years; something, I'm sure, he wouldn't want me to feel for him. I replied with as much sarcasm as I could muster, which was quite a bit.

"You're right, I'm just a fool of a potion's master. No better at potions then you or Lu-…him." I was very curious to see how Harry would react to a mention of the bastard who tortured him horrendously. I scrutinized him from across the table but the only change I could see was his knuckles whitening and the spoon he was holding looking suspiciously like it was bending. Excellent, more hatred then fear. Next time I will use the bastard's name. "besides, I never said anything about stopping them." That will only be done when who ever casting the spell is killed… who ever they are. "I plan to use an isolating agent so that magic won't effect you, you will not be able to perform magic either, but I think it is a sacrifice you will be willing to make?" I didn't wait for an answer before explaining to him my thesis and experiment. During my explanation he stayed quite passive, and I wouldn't have thought he was listening had I not seen a slight twitch when I mentioned the relivings or a wince at my few scathing remarks. On a whole he seemed to accept the idea, or at least he did not reject it. 

"Since I am not your personal potion maker, nor do you seem to be as completely inept at potions as you were during your years in my class, I expect you to assist me." I left a long gap of silence in which he could refuse or ask questions, but since none came I waved away my dishes and told him to join me in lab four when he was done. 

Quiet, resigned, defeated, and … angry? An unusual combination. I suppose it has been awhile since he has had the freedom to feel anything but happiness, he must still be re-learning how to handle his emotions. Hopefully he will be more proficient in learning that then he was in learning potions. I sighed as I coxed the fire under an old cauldron on the foremost bench of an even older lab to become just a little hotter. Considering the skills he left Hogwarts with, it is a mystery as to how he managed to invent a new potion. I wonder where he could have learnt it, or more specifically, from who. 

"Cut that yew root into 3cm cubes, and do try to concentrate. The last thing a potion needs is inaccuracy." I ordered smoothly, not turning around but pointing to my right, as I heard the door creak open at the other end of the room. I heard some shuffling and then some slow chopping sounds. Almost… yes, the perfect temperature.

"Are you done with those yet?" I snapped at Harry, straitening up and turning to him. 

"Almost." He mumbled. 

"Potions is all about timing. Now hurry up." 

"Yes, sir." 

#You're not doing very well are you?# 

Not another one. 

#You're lucky I'm 'ere!# 

You're right, I should be eternally grateful for you disturbing me. Oh how would I have been able to survive without yet another voice in my head? 

#Oh yeah, jus' keep that up Snape- sarcasm, that'll really gain you 'arry's trust# 

And who, exactly, are you to tell me how to gain his trust? 

#You'd bloody well like to know, wouldn't you?# 

Since you are in my head, it would be rather agreeable. 

#And what if I was to tell you I was…Voldemort!# 

What?! 

#Mwahahah!!! That's right Sunshine I'm back! And you'll become my nancy-boy slave once again!# 

Arr…Shut up. 

#Tha's no way to talk to the Dark Lord!# 

Sod. Off. 

#Touchy, touchy! Jus' wish I could 'ave been 'dere to see you're face when I told ya I was Voldemort- I really 'ad you going!# 

He must have been right, when I looked over at Harry, his face proved it. He was staring at me quite confused and more then a bit scared. I sneered at him instead of explaining and held out my hand for the tray of yew root. He looked away and handed it to me. I examined the pieces briefly and decided with a slight nod that they were satisfactory. 

"You will prepare the rest of the ingredients on this list, in order, and bring them over to me as soon as you finish." I handed him the list and walked back over to the cauldron on added the yew root carefully. 

#Aww… you fellas are so sweet together!# 

Who's sarcastic now? And didn't I tell you to leave? 

#Tsk, tsk, you under the impression that you can control me? What a shame.# 

It's worked with everyone else. Now go. 

#Ahh they 'er just being nice, Sunshine. Too bad I'm not so nice…# 

Arg- At least tell me who you are.

"Gify skin, now." I took the skin from Harry and continued with the potion. 

#D'you really want to know? I mean really, really want to know?# 

Would I have asked you if I didn't? 

#Hmm, 'll that's too bad Sunshine, 'cause I don' think I'll tell ya just now. There are more 'portant things to do after all.# 

Like what exactly?

"Teregonyr." 

#'Arry.# 

Harry? 

#Yup.# 

I sighed, not noticing Harry's questioning eyes on me while he brought the rock powder over. When isn't it about him? 

#Maybe someday it won't be, but for now, you 'ave to 'elp 'im.# 

I know, but he's so- 

#screwed-up?# 

Humph…yes. 

#Poor kid.# 

He doesn't need your pity. He needs your help.

"Unicorn hair." 

#Wrong-o Sunshine, _I_ can't help him, that's where _you_ come in.# 

And how do _you _suggest _I_ help him? 

"Hurry up with the Unicorn hair." 

# You really want to help him don't you?# 

I…of course I do. 

#Why?#

"Unicorn hair, Harry!" 

That really is none of your concern is it? 

#It is if you want my 'elp.# 

…because… he needs it. 

#'S more then that. You and I both know it is.# 

It's not. 

#Tell me.# 

I. Did. 

#Tell. Me. Now.# 

Listen closely- Because. He. Needs. It. 

#Damn it, Snape! It's more then just because he needs it! There were always plenty of people in need, you never 'elped them! You would never 'elp someone just for the sake of it- least of all Harry! What about Remus? He could use your help! Why aren't you 'elping 'im? Why didn't you 'elp Minerva, Hermione, Ron, Alb-# 

BECAUSE HE'S HARRY! …Because he's… 

I looked at the boy in question, and I gasped. Shit. He was slumped over on the floor, a pile of robes. I froze momentarily, frantic thoughts flying through my head, he wasn't ready! He was too weak, I shouldn't have made him help, what do I know of the voices in my head? Why did I think they knew anything? He did look so tired, and they're just disembodied voices! Harry probably just needed rest and was too polite to refuse me! Shit, what have I done? On the last I rushed over to Harry and knelt beside him. 

"Harry? Harry, wake up." I turned over his limp body and tapped his unconscious face. Slowly I could see his eyelids start to lift.

"I was tired…" He whispered and I nodded. 

"Sleep." He didn't need convincing and his eyelids fell right back down. I sighed as I picked him up, he was still too light, and brought him back to his room. 

"Remember, dinner is at seven." I closed the door behind me and hurried back to the lab. The potion was, of course, ruined so I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning up and putting away ingredients. 

He is late… again. I sat at the laden table tapping my fork against it, the low fire cast long shadows in the dark dungeon. It was already ten minutes past seven and the food was getting cold. Lunch is one thing but dinner is another, one does not start dinner unless everyone eating the meal is at the table… So now what?

#Now this may sound crazy, Sunshine, but you could always knock on 'is door.#

He is not a child who needs to be called to dinner. And for future reference your input, however idiotic, is never welcome. Good bye.

#Ouch- really Sunshine, you should work on yur' people skills a lil'.#

I do not need nor care for your advice, thank you.

#Humph, s'no wonder 'Arry's not too keen about 'ye.#

Good bye.

#Look 'ere Sunshine, I don' know if you've quite caught on yet, but the way it works you can't tell me what'ta do.#

You really won't be leaving soon, will you.

#Bang on, Sunshine!#

Lovely.

#It'n'it 'dough?#

Indeed. And when will you be leaving?

#T'all depends#

And what, exactly, does it depend on?

#Well in the short term, make 'im eat.#

Ehem. "'im"?

#'arry o' course, or 'ave ya forgotten 'bout 'im already?#

If only.

#Now thas' not very nice!#

I hope you know I'd love nothing more than to hear you die a slow and very agonizing death, but since that is quite impossible at the moment I will settle for not hearing you at all.

I got up quickly from the table and strode over to Harry's door. 

"Harry?" I called as I knocked. "You are late for supper." There was no reply. "Harry?" I tried again a bit louder but there was still no reply. "If you do not respond I am going to enter your room." There was again no response so I entered the darkened room slowly. 

Even though my eyes were quite adept at adjusting to darkness it was still hard to see anything in the dank room. Once I stepped into the room, it was as if the fire I had been feeling towards that nitwit of a voice had been smothered causing my mood to become soft and subdued, though I did not consciously will it so. Lighting a few candles I could see Harry still lying on the bed as I had left him. Quietly I walked over to him and touched his shoulder.

"Harry." I whispered calmly, "it is time for supper. You must come eat something." Just like before his eyelids lifted slowly and remained half shut as he gazed up at me. 

"Still tired." He muttered before letting his eyes close again.

"Eat something, then you may sleep." No response. "Harry, I do not have all evening, dinner is getting cold." 

"I'm not hungry… just tired" He mumbled, not opening his eyes.

"You must eat something Harry… Harry?" It was no use, he was out cold. "If you will not eat, I will have to summon Poppy and ask her to take you back." That got a response, as I thought it would. His eyes opened relatively faster this time. He propped himself up slowly on his elbow and looked up at me. His eyes were wide, but glazed, as if he was still asleep.

"Please don't." He whispered. 

"Come eat." He closed his eyes and nodded. "Dinner is waiting." With that I turned to leave. I could hear the bed slowly creaking, Harry must have been getting up. I smiled at both having a conversation, albeit a little one-sided, with Harry in which no one was hurt, emotionally or physically, and the fact that the idiot voice would be gone now, at least for a while. Behind me I heard a shuffle and then felt something that felt suspiciously like a twenty-something year old latching onto my shoulder. As I felt the hand begin to slip I instinctively wrapped my arm around him, holding most of his weight up.

"Harry?"

"Sorry… too tired." Shit. His knees went completely as I struggled to get a better hold of him, now supporting all his weight. I managed to get one arm under his shoulders and even one under his thighs, he is definitely too light. I set him back down on his bed and left quickly for the fire. Throwing some powder in, I called for Poppy.

"Poppy, I was prepared for your usual amount of incompetence, but this surpasses even you!"

"And just what do you mean by that?" She demanded shrilly.

"You told me Potter would suffer 'sporadic weakness' but I think you might have underestimated just a tad."

"For heavens sake, Severus, would you tell me what this is about!"

"Potter collapsed around two today so I brought him back to his room. I wasn't overly worried because you had mentioned it would be a side effect. However I've just now gone to fetch him for supper and not only was he still asleep but he was completely exhausted! He could barely move one pace before collapsing!"

"I see… Severus, I had better take him back into care, the weakness I was talking about should have been remedied by ten minutes rest, but five hours…"

In all honesty, Harry scared me just now, he was so weak I was afraid he'd die, he really should go back to her… but I can't just ignore his wishes can I? He was horrified at the prospect of going back to the hospital wing, I could see it in his eyes, but he does need professional care, I could see that in his eyes as well…

"Poppy, isn't there something he or I can do from here?"

"What! Are you still on about him missing working time? I don't believe it! You must realize he will be of no help to you in this state!"

"Of course I do!"

"Then why-" I looked sharply at her in a way that very much expressed it would be in her best interests not to finish that question. "I… I don't know, it could be he's taking too much Sopori Juice. Hmm… yes, tell Harry to take three quarters of what he's been taking up till now. But if he doesn't improve you must contact me! You have remembered to activate the potions, haven't you Severus? … Severus? Argg!" I turned away from the fire and left before she finished. She disappeared with a huff. 

I was hoping I would for get, I don not want to do this… but I suppose I must. He probably should still eat something as well. As I walked back to Harry's room I grabbed a roll and bowl of soup off the table and set them down on Harry's bedside.

"Harry." I nudged his shoulder, "Harry, this is important, please wake up." He did as I asked, albeit agonizingly slowly. "I'm sure you have realized that I haven't cast the spell to activate some of your potions yet today. I'm also sure you realize the necessity of this spell." He looked away from me, but I could still recognize his nod. "Would you like me to cast it before or after you eat?"

"Before." He murmured.

"Alright." I took out my wand and pointed it at Harry who flinched upon seeing it and curled up away from me. "I'm sorry…" I whispered, then took a deep breath, "Activo Potio!" A thin greenish smoke left my wand point and wrapped around Harry. Immediately as the smoke touched his body, a pain filled shriek was torn from his throat. His body twitched and convulsed as the smoke reached every part of him. At the sight and sound I lowered my wand and looked away remorsefully, but the shrieks only ended a few moments later. She said pain but…he is in agony… and I caused it…damn. A angry tear rolled down my cheek as I swept from his room and ran to mine. Once there I fell onto the bed and curled up.

"I tried so hard…"

The morning sun shone bright upon my face, One bloody window in my whole room and it had to be facing east. As I collected my self and sat up I groaned, for two reasons. One, I was stiff as hell, and two, memories of the previous night started to trickle into my consciousness. Brilliant Severus, hurt him like hell and then instead of helping him or making sure he is all right, wallow in self-pity. A lot of good that did. I got up slowly, very slowly and hobbled over to the bathroom, a nice hot shower will sooth these old bones. As usual, I was right, and fifteen minutes later I was as good as- well not new, but better than I had been. 

It was about six forty five and having finished my shower the next step was black coffee. I had my own magical coffee maker in the storage corner of my rooms because not unlike most, I found it extremely hard to deal with house elves at the best of times, and the early morning was definitely not the best of times. Striding over with renewed grace I asked the tall coffee pot for two cups, black. With a pop a steaming mug appeared on the stone counter along with enough in the pot for a refill. Feeling now even more awake after the first sip, I walked over to the sill of the one window in the main room and picked up the Daily Prophet. It had once been a crack pot tabloid, but it had had a major overhaul in management a couple years ago and was now fairly respectable, so long as you knew who's column to read. I walked to the old dinning table and unfolded it. All the blood ran from my face and the coffee mug smashed to the floor. 

"No…"

A.N. Yay!!! Finally getting to the next plot! Hoorah! All right, well I just read over this chap and I must admit it's not the most exciting chapter ever, but it was necessary for plot advancement- and advance it finally did! Yay! ^^ 

#1. So who was that new voice in poor Sev's head? He doesn't know, you don't know and neither do I! ^^ I was just too happy last Friday afternoon – it being Friday afternoon an all – to write something somber (even my depressing music couldn't get me down!) and since I couldn't afford to waste the one time I have to write, I just stuck that little guy in there ^^ You like? You hate? You feel like Sev- Annoyed as all hell? Please tell me what you think ^^ as for who he is I was thinking maybe an older Weasley we don't know too much about like Bill or Charlie or maybe just some random student Sev had, so, who d'you reckon he is?

#2. I'm sorry, but I won't deceive you, the next chap will most likely take as long or longer then this one did, I'm really sorry, but unless you can make school go bye bye that's the way it's gonna be ^^ Sorry!

Please Review- They make me happy!


	10. Wake to War

Chapter 10: Wake to War

"No… not yet." I fell back heavily into my chair, hands shaking as I read and reread the headline, trying to read it in a way that didn't spell disaster. There was no denying it though, I knew this was coming- but so soon? I brought my shaking white hand to my forehead and steeled myself to read the rest of the article. 

**_Return of the Dark Lord?_**

_200 found dead under Dark Mark_

_A Dark Mark was found floating above St. Fonguil's Wizard Hospital early this morning. The attack on the hospital left 200 patients and staff dead, 300 injured and the building in ruins. The ministry has not yet released a report, but the presence of the Dark Mark has sparked rumors of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's return. This is the first such attack since he was declared beaten over a year ago. Since the alleged downfall of the Dark Lord, defense in the Wizarding World has been reduced to nothing. During the war, fourteen Aurors were stationed at the hospital; at the time of the attack, there were none._

I didn't need to read any more; I didn't need to know anymore. The enemy was back. I suddenly felt incredibly sick. I lowered my head to the tabletop and took deep breaths, willing myself to calm down; composure and rationality were what was needed now. I started to process the information I had.

Firstly, who is responsible? It was obviously Death Eaters, which means the war with Voldemort, or at least his memory, is not over. I sighed as I remembered the harshness of the last war, the joy and relief I had felt when it was finally over and finally the violent anguish I had felt this morning as that had all be torn away from me. I continued sadly, but still calmly, I was well trained. It must have required quite a few Death Eaters to be able to completely destroy the hospital, forty at very least. However, Death Eaters are not the sort to commit such a large attack unless they have a leader to hide behind, someone who will be able to protect them from the Ministry. The real question is… who is leading them? At first the public will probably assume Voldemort is back, it is possible since he has been revived several times, but there are others which must be considered: Lucius Malfoy for example, should be dead. I saw Harry kill him, but… there is question as to whether Harry really had enough power in him to end a human life, even if his power was enhanced by emotion, he was in a pretty bad state…and then there is the possibility that a completely new person has risen to the thrown of the dark. I rubbed at an on-coming headache as I got up and paced to the fireplace at the other end of the room. An issue that was considerably less important than the death of 200 people would not leave me alone. How do I tell him…he is not ready to hear it- but do I have a choice? Does he? I looked forlornly at the door behind which Harry slept- ignorant of how the world had changed; sleeping peacefully. Peace, how quickly it can wake to war. 

I slid over to his heavy ash door and rapped on it calmly before opening it and calling impassively.

"Get up Harry, there is something we need to discuss… Also, only take three quarters of your usual dose of Sopori Juice." I saw some movement through the darkness on his bed, so I withdrew and closed the door behind me. I walked back over to the fireplace and lit it with a word and flick of a hand, before sitting down to wait for Harry.

I heard a door close behind him several minutes later, and motioned for him to sit in the armchair beside mine. I had not taken my eyes from the fire since I had sat down; the flames were hypnotizing and I did not fight the distraction. 

"It has started…" I spoke calmly to the fire; not wanting to see whatever look might have been on Harry's face. Shock? Despair? Anger? I did not want to know. The only reply I got was a deep, shaking breath. "At least forty Death Eaters attacked St. Fonguil's this morning. Two hundred wizards are dead, the hospital is completely destroyed." Harry got up suddenly from his chair and paced over to the mantel, placing his arms and head on it, his back now to me. I continued calmly, he had to know everything. "The press does not know who organized it, but they once again suspect Voldemort. The ministry has yet to release a report, and I have not yet been to the site so that is all the information I have as of yet." There was a pause before his low voice came muffled from behind his arms.

"What happens now?"

"The Order of the Phoenix must be reassembled."

"But- how? Dumbledore's …" My fingers clamped around the leather armrests and dug into them, my angry words leaping through clamped teeth.

"Dead? Really, Harry, I had no idea!" I knew I should not have yelled at him. I knew it, and ignored it. I did not think his body would visibly quake in the force of my words. I did not think his reaction would cause me so much remorse. I exhaled slowly, calming myself. "There will be a new leader." 

"… Heldem?" He asked cautiously. I couldn't stop myself from scoffing.

"As much as I would love to watch a tit mouse juggle a water melon and a nine-story building, no, the Headmaster has not been chosen." Harry's next question was barely audible, whispered through a curtain of fear, both of the answer and myself.

"…then who?" I took a deep breath.

"You." My eyes snapped up to him as he spun around, a look of terrorized shock on his pale face.

"No!" He cried, trying to refuse but sounding more like he was begging. 

"Yes." I answered calmly.

"I can't- I won't!"

"You will… you must."

"Why?" His face was wrought with confusion, despair and anger.

I sighed and motioned once again to the chair beside me, "sit." He did so, but did not look at me when I turned to him.

"The way in which the leader of the Order, or Prepoten, is chosen has been in place as long as the Order itself. Indeed, the very essence of the magic power which enhances all the members only manifests itself if the leader follows the traditions set up so long ago. They are this, Harry: to insure that the Prepoten would always be powerful enough to channel the Order magic to each of its members, the founders decided to set up a system of inheritance. I am not talking about biological inheritance, but rather that of accomplishment. Who ever kills the leader of the opposition to the Order in the previous war, becomes the leader in the next. If the person who kills the leader of the opposition is the Prepoten at the time, then he remains leader the next time a group opposes the Order. If the person who defeats the opposition is not the leader of the Order, then during the next war, he will become the Prepoten. For example A-… Albus defeated Grindelwald in 1945, at this time, the Prepoten was Sir Frimpel. The reason Albus lived to be so old is because the Order magic sustains the life of the leader until a new leader is recognized, and since the span of peace between Grindelwald and Voldemort was unusually long, Albus lived for an unusually long amount of time. However, since Albus, and not Frimpel, defeated Grindelwald, Frimpel died at 52. You see the way Order magic works on a former leader, such as Frimpel, is a lot like diffusion: the magic runs from an area of high concentration to an area of low concentration. When Albus defeated Grindelwald, Frimpel was two months shy of 52. Since the Order magic had been depleted during the war, the reserve was fairly low, Frimpel on the other hand was still relatively young and had quite a bit of life and power left in him. The Order ended his life by sucking his life force from him. When you defeated Voldemort, Albus was already very old, many years beyond his natural life span. At the end of the war, Albus was exhausted so the Order magic sustained him until both entities were at equal power levels, then he died naturally of old age." There was a long pause in which I allowed Harry to absorb everything I had told him.

"So that's it then…" He finally said in an emotionless voice.

"What do you mean?"

"I thought- I thought my life might have other meaning than fighting and killing, saving lives and losing others… I was wrong wasn't I?" I couldn't bare to look at him. He was right of course; it was his destiny to be a war hero; war heroes have to fight. He sighed shortly at my unspoken reply.

"Right. I'll be in my room."

I did not see Harry again until the sun had set on that sad day. I had whiled the hours away working on reaching the ministry, or even getting to the place where the hospital once stood, but without success. The ministry had blocked off all contact with the outside world and anti-apparation barriers had been set up in a forty-kilometer radius of the hospital. I had even resorted to speaking with the other staff members in the dim hope that they might have some information, but of course, to no surprise, they were as well informed of the attack as a common muggle. So it was I found myself slowly walking through the door of my dim chambers, tired and worried.

Worried about Harry, how extraordinarily unusual. Humph, there was something this morning though, at the end of our conversation he was– changed… perfectly normal for anyone who had just been told at the ripe old age of nineteen that they had to lead a group of forty-odd full grown wizards into a war against an unknown enemy with a great amount of power when he was still trying to learn how to live again. I sighed and dropped myself into an armchair by the un-lit fire. Suddenly I remembered that I hadn't eaten since that morning, or rather, my body reminded me. I summoned a house elf with the wave of my wand and requested a supper for two. House elves had long since learned not to stay long or speak much in my presence and I was very much glad for it. 

A few moments later the table behind me popped and was covered with food. I rolled my eyes at the obsequious display put forth by the house elves as I made my way to Harry's door. I knocked on it firmly and called through:

"Harry, supper is served."

"The spell, would you do it first?" Damn, I had forgotten, but his voice…no fear? No dread? Surely he must feel something upon requesting a bone-shattering spell to be cast on him? He can't be used to the pain- you can not get used to that kind of pain. I suppose it must be done though. 

"Of course." I opened the door and entered. Harry was scratching away at a piece of parchment on a small writing desk in the corner of his room. humph, never thought he'd actually use it. One candle was lit on the desk, offering the only light in the room. "Harry, if you do not wish to ruin that parchment, I suggest you move… I don't have all day." He nodded and left the writing desk for his bed. He sat down and looked forward past me, but as I withdrew my wand I noticed him shiver. He closed his eyes and locked his jaw in place, waiting for the pain to start. I sighed and cast the spell, he collapsed on the bed as his screams rebounded off the walls in the small room. I'll never get used to this, never. There must be a way to ease the pain… I will discuss it with Poppy. I didn't move until the screams stopped and the gasping breaths eased. In the meantime, there must be something I can do.

"Harry…"

"I'll be out in a moment." His reply was rough and yet relayed no feelings or need for help.

"I… Right." I left the room, leaving the door open, and sat down at the table. 

A few minutes later he walked by me, shakily but on the whole he looked somewhat recovered. He stopped momentarily beside me to drop a roll of parchment alongside my plate and headed back to his room. Interesting, I'll open that later.

"Harry," I caught his sleeve, "you seem to be under the impression that supper is an option." He offered no response, but waited several seconds before moving to his place at the other end of the short table. As the candle near his plate lighted his face, I sighed.

"You haven't slept or eaten since this morning, have you?" He looked paler than usual, with darkening circles under his eyes. "After supper you will go straight to bed, from now on you will miss no meals, and I think it wise you have a nap now and again, lest I send you back to Poppy." He glared at me as best he could with his eyelids falling lower and lower by the second. I shook my head slightly and started eating the hot soup before me.

The rest of the meal passed in a strained silence, but one that I had been growing more accustomed to in the past days. When Harry had put down his fork for the last time and gotten up he looked me straight in the eyes with all seriousness.

"Give me a reply in the morning." With that he walked to his room, shutting the door after him. I knew of course he was referring the letter he had given me, which I had so skillfully ignored until now. Having finished my supper, I looked at it contemplatively before bringing a candle closer and unrolling the smooth parchment.

_Severus Snape,_

_As you are undoubtedly aware, Death Eaters have recently become active. The sheer scale of this recent attack on St. Fonguil's Wizarding Hospital must lead us to assume that this was not just a Death Eater riot, but a declaration of war. No one likes war and apart from the Death Eaters, no one wants war, but unfortunately the decision has been made for us by the 200 lives claimed at St. Fonguil's. It is the duty of the members of The Order of the Phoenix to protect the Wizarding World from Dark Magic and those whishing to do innocents harm. You have been selected by Fawkes, the phoenix that brought together the founding members of the Order, to join this age-old assembly. It is an honour that is not bestowed upon many and it is my wish that you would vow to protect with me the Wizarding World. Please send me your decision as soon as possible, but take time to think on it; this is a great opportunity, and an even greater challenge, are you up to it?_

_Prepoten Harry Potter_

So he has accepted it; he has accepted the position... not that he had a choice. I sighed and retired to a chair beside the unlit fire. Do I? I remember only too well the greatness of the challenge, the pain, and the suffering the Order cause me last time, to go through all that again… I looked down at the parchement in my hands. What am I saying? I can not even compare what I went through to the hell Harry did. He managed to find it in himself to fight again; I must do the same.

(AN in the next chap)


	11. Author Notes

AN: Noooooooo!! You waited so long, and I give you a short, mediocre chapter : P I'm telling you, school really sucks! They gave me homework even over the holidays! Two 1000 word plus essays, a bio project and a huge science project plus a whole bunch of other stuff *pout* stupid school, don't they know I have fanfiction to write?!?! *sigh* hopefully I'll be able to get another chap out before I go back to school, but seeing as that's in about three days…I'll have to try really hard! *grin* 

Thanks for reviewing!

Deity: Thanks for the review, they make _my_ day! Ahhh, such a symbiotic relationship ^^

Wink At J00: he he, breathe Steph! (pronounce _that_?? I… don't think so. ^^()) I'm so glad you liked it ^^, hope this chapter wasn't too bad… I'll try really hard to get another one up soon!

Amarantha Liriel: yeah, it does sound like Hagrid, but it's just not the same personality… ho hum, It'll come to me eventually! ^^ I'm glad you think I'm doing a good job integrating current and backstory, it's one of the thing I'm finding pretty hard ^^ 

Them Girl: he he, well, was it worth the cliffie? I'm glad you think so, but I think Sev's really getting out of character now… *tsk tsk* I'll have to watch out for that more ; )

Riverlady: HAHAHAHAH!!! Yes! Yes! That would be so brilliant! Ohhh… yes! I should soo do that! :D Excellent idea! And yeah, I have read it (and I loved it too ^^)but… this guy's sorta more sympathetic with Harry… and I seriously considered having the voice be Sirius (winces at unintentional pun) but… I don't know, the accent isn't quite right… hmm… oh well, it'll come to me ^^ hope you liked the chapter ^^

Jemini: if a month was forever, this last wait must have been an eternity, *winces* sorry! Hope you still like it! (did the chap answer your question?)

Izean: yeah, the accent is like Hagrid's, but the personality isn't quite right… oh well ^^ So… you crazy yet? He he, I tried hard enough didn't I ^^ thanks for reading&reviewing ^^

Saavik: glad you like it, it's so much fun to write ^^, and about the voice, well… the accent is like Hagrid's but I don't see the personalities being the same… oh well, hope you liked the chap^^

Charlie YuY -_- : hmm… heeeeeeeey, that might work! I'll think 'bout it- but that's a great suggestion, thanks! I'm really glad you like my fic so far ^^

Areana Shtiei: well thank you ^^ and though it does sound like Hagrid, I don't think it's him… oh well, hope you liked this chap ^^


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